Hip Hop Forum

LINK:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/shadow-vt25157.html

I recorded this tonight, did the mixing, everything.
hopefully Cyan will be gettin on the hook and the 3rd verse.
i dont think i can do this any better then what i did with it right now..
so im probably now redoing these verses but i sent them to couple people
to see how the mixing they do turns out as opposed to mine. leave links ill return feed


1:10 hook
(.22)verse 1:

i woke up, i swear it was a NIGHTMARE...
then i look back and REALIZE you aint RIGHT HERE?/
now its QUITE CLEAR, we'll never MEET AGAIN...
but youre telling me, that you still want to BE MY FRIEND/
like what the fuck HAPPENED?...
after 7 years you decide to start PACKIN/
because you couldnt HACK IT, and i DIED on the INSIDE/
LAUGH on the OUTSIDE CRY on the INSIDE/
FACT ITS ABOUT TIME I LET GO OF THIS/
cant cope with it im EMOTIONLESS/
my devotion is missin, emotions are twisted
my focus and vision, now provokin the wicked
left broke with a slit wrist ...
hope you never leave me/
and i believed you the way that you believed me/
no one said that it was supposed to be easy/
but i aint going no where notice im still breathing/
and you dont give a fuck..

1:33(verse)
see im losing my mind im slippin away/
every single night im in bed and i picture ya face/
so im flippin the blade open as i damn my reflection/
cuz i lost your affection from ya manic depression/
i get the message that our future will never be/
im stuck in a burning building ...i got the center seat/
i just wana be left in peace capesh
at least for the next few weeks.../
what i need is some stress relief/
im too stressd to speak/
just heed what i mean and dont pester me/
and when i think of our memories its extacy
so mentally essentially ill never let it be/
digressin its a life lesson and my minds testin defeat
but im not accepting the grief, no
but im ascending to be the absolute best i can be/
the pain that you gave, left me fading away
i just wish you realize the mistake that you made/

Aight, here goes:
Beat: catchy, goes with the verses well, fits the flow in which u spit too. a nice kickin beat i can sit back and lsiten to, nothin i gotta really pay attention to to take away fromthe words. really diggin it.
Verses: i like the flow u got, although a couple times i thoiught u kinda pushed the words in, like u had too many per line u know? not really noticable, but thats what i heard anyway. might just be me. still dope as fuck, got some good meaning and emotion to 'em. id def listen to this song on my ipod once its finished bro! keep it up!

btw: when yall gunna be done the Insanity Thrill chorus? i wanna finish that song soon. no big rush but plz hurry if u can. thx man.
-seanny t.

yo i like this actually.. solid mic presence beat was nice.. missing hook but thats later.. good job mixing.. you back ups in some places were off by a tad nothing major.
but chea its nice to hear a new track from ya.. keep dropping homie

btw: when yall gunna be done the Insanity Thrill chorus? i wanna finish that song soon. no big rush but plz hurry if u can. thx man.
-seanny t

seanny ima be working on that this week.

This was aight playing..getting better ..the beat was on some sneaky vibe.

Sounds like you stepped up ya delivery and presence alot from last time.
You were riding well off the top.but started slipping a lil after the first 6 bars or so, you did get back in there again.but id say that's the only thing you gotta work on get that Flo lined up and your breasting....lyrically shots pretty dope imo..sorry it took so long to feed but I just got this kindle fire and the keyboard sucks..

thanks tre appreciate that, im keep working on it man ima get it, itll take time but ima get it.

i cant wait to hear what Cyan brings to this track, when i heard his Sun Song i was like..yo i need that dude on this song. i think he'd really bring it to life.

i woke up, i swear it was a NIGHTMARE...
then i look back and REALIZE you aint RIGHT HERE?/
now its QUITE CLEAR, we'll never MEET AGAIN...
but youre telling me, that you still want to BE MY FRIEND/
like what the fuck HAPPENED?...
after 7 years you decide to start PACKIN/
because you couldnt HACK IT, and i DIED on the INSIDE/
LAUGH on the OUTSIDE CRY on the INSIDE/
FACT ITS ABOUT TIME


Showed a lot of potential when you were spitting this
but you kind of lost aggression with "Packing"
and rushed "Hack it" .. But I really vibed with this part

This part shows your Potential,


this track was nice, I almost feel like you don't even need a hook
I already said what could be changed, other then that Good shit

Keep it up man

good stuff, took me a while to get used to the flow but maybe that's just me, 1st track i have heard of yours too. Lyrics were good n the mood was set right throughout, would like to hear when the hook is done.

awesome i loved the emotion in this!
i loved this part :
"cant cope with it im EMOTIONLESS/
my devotion is missin, emotions are twisted
my focus and vision, now provokin the wicked
left broke with a slit wrist ...
hope you never leave me/
and i believed you the way that you believed me/
no one said that it was supposed to be easy/
but i aint going no where notice im still breathing/
and you dont give a fuck.."


"i get the message that our future will never be/
im stuck in a burning building ...i got the center seat/
i just wana be left in peace capesh
at least for the next few weeks.../
what i need is some stress relief/
im too stressd to speak/
just heed what i mean and dont pester me/
and when i think of our memories its extacy
so mentally essentially ill never let it be/
digressin its a life lesson and my minds testin defeat"

really great!

this got better and better as it progressed, inspires me to continue writing!

The mixing you did is low to me, but for a one day session, it's not bad. This is mainly because your ears got tired, and they also got accustomed to the environment you were mixing in. Don't worry, happens to everyone who works on a song for an extended period. Overall, your first verse felt really choppy to me. I think you should work on your delivery and cut down how many syllables you have in your lines. Try to find that balance between "Bounce" and "Length" of your lines, and it'll clear that up. Also, watch your breath control. My favorite part of this song is when you said:

"my devotion is missin, emotions are twisted
my focus and vision, now provokin the wicked"

The multi's really flowed nice and smooth here. It stuck out the most because it just sounded good. Your second verse is clearly the better one, as it doesn't sound as choppy as the first. Just watch out for breath control. I would like to hear the final version of this, so shoot me a PM with it attached when you get it done.