Hip Hop Forum

he tries to act like he is so cold
but cant hide the fact he’s got a heart of gold
always in control of the cards he holds
never willing to give up he never folds
he is the only soul i have ever known
to show such trust even with a blindfold
mindful of clever jokes he’s told
cracks me up, my laughter i can not withhold
bold at times, when ever he tokes
but when he rhymes, he never chokes
cant let one day go, without him no
its like missing out on my favorite show
blows my mind, even when i don’t smoke
he is one of a kind, like my favorite soap
we always say we’ll go with the flow
even tho we don’t know what the future holds
when i need a friend, he is there for sure
if it ends, without him i’d lose control
hold on tight, don’t ever let me go
together you and I, might run this show
my love for you feels like its going to overflow
whenever your kind eyes spark a glow
I know whats on your mind, with out tarot
from below, they look up to an angel
who’s able to stay stable even without a halo
when he flies by you, just wave hello
but stay out of his way tho... and lay low!
my love can not be weighed on a scale
hell no! we are molded together better than play-doh
he is my best friend, always faithful
till the end, I will forever be grateful
not a hard task, with him I have a blast
got to grasp God n ask, is this real or a fable?
will we survive like Gloria Gaynor? or die like a gladiator?
down to the core, i adore this silly kid really
who stole my heart dearly, i must say it clearly
i’ve never met another friend i have loved so sincerely
dreaming of living on an island in Thailand and never leaving
believe me, i pray at night, he’s alright and that he never leaves me
it's better never to be apart, but if we ever part, if u see a spark as you're walking
thru a park in the dark, no matter how far away we are, it’ll be me
remember you will forever be in my heart! cuz ur soul will never leave me.

old at times, when ever he tokes but when he rhymes, he never chokes
^^^
nice

I know whats on your mind, with out tarot from below, they look up to an angel who’s able to stay stacble even without a halo..
^^^^^
I like the multies on this. Part

my love can not be weighed on a scale hell no! we are molded together better than play-doh he is my best friend, always faithful till the end, I will forever be grateful not a hard task, with him I have
^^^
and this was pretty nice to whole way through

a blast got to grasp God n ask, is this real or a fable? Wow nice,.some slick lines ruthless was on point throughout ..

-- Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:52 am --

Srry feeding on this kindle is solo much harder...

thank u for ur feedback

i liked this had a good feel to it..

a love story if you will

you seem to more poetic than rap style. which is fine, but with some more practice i think this could go well on audio.

and girls on the mic are always hot.,, lol

good shit keep writing

this was a nice piece, you really held your own on this one...
it's a cute little love story, kinda reminds me of some Lauryn Hill
which is always good to see, you kept a consistent use of your words in this
and kept on topic, a smooth piece nonetheless, I'd quote some lines
but I feel it'd take away from the story, but whoever you wrote this for...must be a cool dude
keep writing

he tries to act like he is so cold
but cant hide the fact he’s got a heart of gold
always in control of the cards he holds
never willing to give up he never folds
he is the only soul i have ever known
to show such trust even with a blindfold
mindful of clever jokes he’s told

I really enjoyed reading this..
you just came in real strong,emotion,poetic
your view..

cracks me up, my laughter i can not withhold
bold at times, when ever he tokes
but when he rhymes, he never chokes
cant let one day go, without him no
its like missing out on my favorite show
blows my mind, even when i don’t smoke
he is one of a kind, like my favorite soap

Again.. I feel like you've been elevating your rhyme scheme
And the "favorite show" "favorite soap" is Nice
you could play it off as soap opera, not sure if you meant to do that

we always say we’ll go with the flow
even tho we don’t know what the future holds
when i need a friend, he is there for sure
if it ends, without him i’d lose control

Really like this. It's real

hold on tight, don’t ever let me go
together you and I, might run this show
my love for you feels like its going to overflow
whenever your kind eyes spark a glow

lol hopefully your really a girl and this is
a lucky guy.

I know whats on your mind, with out tarot
from below, they look up to an angel
who’s able to stay stable even without a halo
when he flies by you, just wave hello
but stay out of his way tho... and lay low!
my love can not be weighed on a scale
hell no! we are molded together better than play-doh

damn.. imagery is nuts.. I just picture you being
crazy..In love.. but like real sprung for some guy
and your just sitting there spilling yourself to him.

Plus you use metaphors..and multis. nice


he is my best friend, always faithful
till the end, I will forever be grateful
not a hard task, with him I have a blast
got to grasp God n ask, is this real or a fable?

it's whatever you want it to be

will we survive like Gloria Gaynor? or die like a gladiator?
down to the core, i adore this silly kid really
who stole my heart dearly, i must say it clearly
i’ve never met another friend i have loved so sincerely

lightening things up

dreaming of living on an island in Thailand and never leaving
believe me, i pray at night, he’s alright and that he never leaves me
it's better never to be apart, but if we ever part, if u see a spark as you're walking
thru a park in the dark, no matter how far away we are, it’ll be me
remember you will forever be in my heart! cuz ur soul will never leave me.

Woah.. killer ending.. really, just how you kept the freshness in stretching it.. and closing it nicely..

I think you've elevated really...in my opinion this is your best work on here so far.. the rhyme scheme.. meta's... emotion, topic.. craziness it was nice. hope you are really a girl lol.. anyways good stuff, keep dropping

thank u for ur feedback i loved how u broke it down the way u did and yes i did mean show and soap as soap operas and yes i am a girl lolol