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word
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 9:01 am
by Haz
The Unforgiven is back..like delivering a baby quick, the kid is a snap
Life became a blurr through the most vividest acts..
I destroyed myself and came back from the ashes as a Cig in the Pack
Phone off..zoned off, i'm not lacking a ring..I don't really feel like talking
My minds walking on a guilt trip I had no time for Packing my Things
So I spill shit, Like a broken pipe..My clouded wrongs got me smoking right
i'll hit the open mic like it'll throw a fight..I'll put on a Show tonight
I won't be Crowded Long, Hop in my Boat To Life..
As I sail through a sea of illusions..Hope Is Light.. In the sky
Could it be i'm Refusing To Approach a Flight cus I fear a overload my mind would begin ta fry
I'll coast till Bright Vision's meet me Half Way..Above The waves could be the Pathway
No Fame..Just Gain..No Low's..What's Pain? No Brain..Fuck Sane..Like I'm Crazy on Cocaine
fiending for more but I'm out of Luck mayne..I'm outspoken even as my Voice Is gone
Out smoking even though I know the Choice Is wrong..my eyes Is red..
My rib's would Have ya questioning when have I been Fed..Skin Pale like a virus spread
As I face what iv'e done.. I dont care for "The Great".. I'm Not Cyrus Bread
This ain't Persia..And my High Is dead, Feeling Low's so Live ..
Iv'e dropped to rock bottom like I took a loco dive..
The screams in my head are the ones Silence Dreads
Re: word
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 9:46 am
by Kau the Lion
I destroyed myself and came back from the ashes as a Cig in the Pack
^^ That was clever. Fave line right there.
Overall, I was digging the metaphors here and the flow was killer. Plus you switched it up with out slipping up. Good shit.
Re: word
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 2:46 am
by Defiance
Life became a blurr through the most vividest acts..
I destroyed myself and came back from the ashes as a Cig in the Pack
DOPE right there
No Fame..Just Gain..No Low's..What's Pain? No Brain..Fuck Sane..Like I'm Crazy on Cocaine
'
that shit snapped man
i actually throughly enjoyed this piece.. had a gritty feel to it.. my type of piece for sure.. really like you rhyme scheme if i didn't understand hip hop it would be weird but i get it.
keep dropping man
peace
Re: word
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 6:42 am
by Haz
Thanks dude I appreciate the feed.
Re: word
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:31 am
by TreTru
I'll coast till Bright Vision's meet me Half Way..Above The waves could be the Pathway
No Fame..Just Gain..No Low's..What's Pain? No Brain..Fuck Sane..Like I'm Crazy on Cocaine
^^
i liked the imagery on the first line and the scheme on the second
Good to see you still doing ya thing....
all in all a good read ...and i liked the Cig Line too...but i liked the imagery on the Pathway lines keep doin ya thing
Re: word
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:35 am
by Alvin
The Unforgiven is back..like delivering a baby quick, the kid is a snap
Life became a blurr through the most vividest acts
Pretty cool, i like the kid is a snap, delievering a baby part.
I destroyed myself and came back from the ashes as a Cig in the Pack
Dope concept, cuz a smoked cig is ash, coming back, sweet lol
Phone off..zoned off, i'm not lacking a ring..I don't really feel like talking
My minds walking on a guilt trip I had no time for Packing my Things
How does one get zoned off?
So I spill shit, Like a broken pipe..My clouded wrongs got me smoking right
i'll hit the open mic like it'll throw a fight..I'll put on a Show tonight
I won't be Crowded Long, Hop in my Boat To Life..
As I sail through a sea of illusions..Hope Is Light.. In the sky
Could it be i'm Refusing To Approach a Flight cus I fear a overload my mind would begin ta fry
I rather lost the flow on this point right here.
My rib's would Have ya questioning when have I been Fed..Skin Pale like a virus spread
As I face what iv'e done.. I dont care for "The Great".. I'm Not Cyrus Bread
This ain't Persia..And my High Is dead, Feeling Low's so Live ..
Iv'e dropped to rock bottom like I took a loco dive..
The screams in my head are the ones Silence Dreads
Cool closer, not bad over all, the part i left out didnt care for too much, too jumpy. The self image brought me back into the story. Good sht man, dont regret coming in to this and reading.
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:22 am
by Caleb Terry
Enjoyed the read!!
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 3:00 am
by Haz
Thanks Man.
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 5:54 am
by 88SkyLink
This shit is pretty good man. Gotta give credit where its due man ... keep this shit up. A little simple but not taking anything away, good shit man
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:35 am
by Haz
Thanks.
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:40 am
by Lawgix
i honestly don't read too many writtens on here... but this was a good drop... it would be cool to hear it on an audio... you should drop it on track... its deep man good shit
Re: word
Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:17 pm
by Jsteel
I liked your verse,great metaphors,good flow and alot of good lines,nice closer...i did do a little more detailed explanation but it got erased...but,good job
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Re: word
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:29 pm
by QwarterZ
this was cool....had a nice twist on it...kept a constant vibe that u were going to kill it...u did....but u coulda done better...well I felt you coulda done better then this..the vibe was nice but it lost its edge slowly
[ Post made via Mobile Device ]