Hip Hop Forum

Week One
2 Bars
Due By: Sunday December 11th, 2011
Submit Verses Here: Checkins are not required but encouraged

Goodluck

- Apple Marinade.

bout fuckin time, i've dreamt about this lol DO NOT no show me!!!.

cashed & submitted

Enders

1 punch to the gut, he vomits dick, look into his scripts to sample straight shit <- I can’t say it any lighter
Punches so ominous stompin kid, let’s be honest bitch, only way you’ll write fire -> is holding my lighter

You confessed a dream in your check, I mean can anyone say obsessed? But I’m glad you’ve stuck true
Here’s me: kid… yeah, wife… yeah, job too! Now here’s you: some kind of parole home..........FUCK YOU



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CBK

The amount of activity made me clock it,
he ain't got a baby, stop it,
even the army air force an navy office couldn't give AL a mo like davy crockett.

Shits horrendous, first its brenda's,now enders got a baby? seems like acting to me
how bad inside must humanity actually be,
for this faggity freak to think he can provide for a family of three???

@CBK, could you explain your first bar? Particularly the wordplay / punch portion. Al a mo.

I'll edit this with a vote.

i thought no expo's allowed???

basically the army navy an airforce couldn't explain how al is online so often,,, give AL a "mo" <

thats the punch,
the davey crockett is just used to help solidify the rhyme scheme and lends itself to the alamo reference

Enders

1 punch to the gut, he vomits dick, look into his scripts to sample straight shit <- I can’t say it any lighter
Punches so ominous stompin kid, let’s be honest bitch, only way you’ll write fire -> is holding my lighter

ok, i thoguht this was rather basic punchline/concept. I also didn't like the fact that you used lighter twice in this bar. all in all this was average IMO
You confessed a dream in your check, I mean can anyone say obsessed? But I’m glad you’ve stuck true
Here’s me: kid… yeah, wife… yeah, job too! Now here’s you: some kind of parole home..........FUCK YOU

hahaha this bar was rediculous. I liked the way you put this together with the me..kid...wife...yeah then incorporated him in it. Dope

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CBK

The amount of activity made me clock it,
he ain't got a baby, stop it,
even the army air force an navy office couldn't give AL a mo like davy crockett.

Damn, LOL this one had me rolling. i'm impressed with the drastic improvment of your wordplay and punches. dope bar right here

Shits horrendous, first its brenda's,now enders got a baby? seems like acting to me
how bad inside must humanity actually be,
for this faggity freak to think he can provide for a family of three???

This bar had dope flow, personall was hitting. another nice bar CBK




Overall: MVGT CBK. Alvin your fisr bar cost you the battle IMO. it just wasn't as dope or consistant as your other bar, let alone CBK's bars.


Nice lil battle

@ CBK not sure where you read something about expos not being allowed cos I haven't seen any of that but thx for explaining.

Anyways, to the battle....

Overall, both went really light on this. I was expecting somethin' different and really thought yall would be bringin' it.

Enders - First bar was decent but the concept is played a bit. Seen it repeated so many times in battles. In the 2nd bar, I had trouble finding the punch. I seen a hard diss but it lacked a punch

CBK - Your first bar was decent. The wordplay was nice and correct with the history so pretty good. It flowed well too. The 2nd bar, I didn't care too much for it. I couldn't find a punch or even an attempt at one. Just mostly a diss.

MVGT CBK. Both second bars were disses in a punchline battle so it could of went either way. I felt the extra creativity in the wordplay/personal blended with the punch edged this out.

Alright basically your first bar..as i told you before....what is mo? Is that sopposed to be some net slang about him being online all the time. Because frankly i never heard of it... So imo your analogy, concept to flip. makes little to no sense.....mentioning the different armed forces is pretty much irrelevant and unnecessary. and throwing davey crocket in is trying to force your analogy..davey crocket was a fighter in that battle. So history is relavent. But using that simile in relation to a forced wordplay.. Is pretty much a fail in my eyes... Even jdr had the same response as i did with WTF is al a mo..
Next bar was no better.. Pretty standard diss, no real flip .

Enders it seems like u pretty much rushed ur verse..both bars were pretty standard disses with a weak flip attempt wit lighter than using lighter again in your end ryme which is normally a nono

[ Post made via Android ]



Mvgt cbk..for a little stronger few bars

im not gonna get all bitchy like haz, about illokwents vote,just tell him to atleast give a definitive vote.