Maaaan, the closer cbk, if you would have had a better schemed closer... DAMN lol. I liked it man. You have some rough structure, but it reads smoothly enough for me a this point to not care lol. Damn man, you suprised me with the story, a couple hiccups, but quite creative, even finding a way to tie in your opponent. The ICY thing was ok, nothing special.
Murk, nice to see a well written story outa you, always battling and shit. Rhymes were pretty on point, but i'll be honest, i fell off a couple times. Myabe the punctuation tossed off the flow for me lol, just playing. It did read odd in parts though. I will be honest, it read rather boring... no offence, good use of wording and all that, but i forgot what you were writing about as soon as i finished reading it. Im just being honest man, sorry.
Flow- Honestly, structure aside, i probably read cbk's more fluently. Maybe because I'm an audio head, so i dont do structure, but i read his easier. To those skeptics, im not dick riding, my brain does this to his piece, i colored the flow hiccups IMO:
As the light dims, my chance for life slims
from quite thin to fright-nin,
my mind decides its survival time
i gotta fight my way to somewhere that i might swim,
so i run for all my lifes worth a right turn,
icy (i see) water from the iceberg,
whilst i keep repeating the lines of christs prayer,
lord im an aquaphobic thrown in at the deep end of a titanic nightmare.
im scared, times rare and i need to find stairs,
everyones in the same predicament, but believe me mines worse,
i see a coloured, blind guy tryna climb first,
as i rush past i hear him cry, murk,
my eyes hurt,even tho im caught in freezing water my thighs burn,
im panicking my staminas damaged from climbing,
but im out of the water an look back at it smiling,
i've reached high enough that it looks like its residing,
fuck im knackered shits tiring,
look around at the view an its not inspiring
a sign reads bottom lining
adrenaline levels are declining,sweet timing,
right when the vehicle beneath my feet is deep diving
so fuck it i've given up lived enough
i just hope the blind guy survives an wasnt hurt when i tripped him up
vs
From the first word to it's last line,
I was reading a book just to pass time.
Alone after my father threatened me with putting his foot to my back side
If I left or didn't act right.
So, on the great Titanic, I was stuck in this room.
Suddenly I felt a bump then a BOOM!
violently echoed like a gun when it shoots.
First instinct was jump in my boots,
but I really didn't want to try it and see
Another black eye from Dad,
who would probably make me hide for a week.
My ears popped to a frieghtening scream,
as if it was coming through the door.
I ran up to it straining and praying as I attempted to open it with useless force.
I yelled for help. I'm trapped! They were rude, of course. Left me sitting there and lost.
My feet were getting wet. Water flooded in quick. Then, I saw the door's hinges flying off.
The ocean came gushing, I was wishing it would stop. It was immediately up to my neck.
The intensity in which it was hitting me put me defenselessly into the wall, bumping my head.
Hit hard, my heart was thumping from depths while sharp pain began crushing my chest.
You know what I felt next? Deep breathe... Nothing. I'm dead
erno, if its just me, prolly is AGAIN, but my neck, my head, my chest im dead, feel weird as his end rhymes. Outside of it not being tied into the inners.
Creativity - Im going to go with CBKs, it just had more angles, brought humor to a topic that can easily be sad. Plus, the kuhlerblynd murk addition... lol
Vocabulary - Kuhler, quite simply, used a better veriety of vocabulary... Strange cat btw. Sometimes simplicity is better. just saying.
Storytelling - Kuhler, he just had less holes in his story, one thing led to another with better transitions, cbk seemed to be off the wall humor, more of a check this out, rap, and murk went more novel.
So... thats a tie in cats you chose Jack, I say there should never be an even amount of cats...
Enjoyment: CBK, his story just made me read it an chuckle, stayed on topic, funny, nameplay, pretty good over all.
MVGT CBK.
