Hip Hop Forum

Old School.... i found some old topical verses of mine... figured i would drop um here for feed....

drivin ta work i notice i forgot my cell n wallet turn back, pull up my drive, but now im stallin
cause im askin my self who owns a all orange civic with rims and a kit up on it
then enter the door callin "hunny im home cause i forgot my money and phone"
then i here voices and moans as im walkin up the steps and there coming from my room
so i open the door expecting but still miss believing......
but with no surprise i spy demise daym my wife is up in our bed cheatin!!!!!
my heart races im bout ta catch a case an,i aint leavin till these 2 r dead n bleedin
i throw my phone against the wall it smashes, with my mind filled with rage and madness
i start ta stomp his head into tha mattress, im so 'heated' i could bring this 'house ta ashes'
after his face is bashed an bruised an he couldnt speak if he wanted too i ask this dude
was it worth the action cus you know your ass is thru and at this point im laughing too
cus i snapped into....a madman....now see what ur actions do i said as turned around
my wife was shaking and crying out loud "please dont hurt me now"...
i grabbed an yelled "i hope it was worth dis clown" an when her arms an legs were bound
i soaked her down with gasoline till her hair shirt and skirt was drowned
and walked right out of her life.............as i burnt it down!!!!

that was ill man i like it flowed nice and i liked the rhyme scheme. not really anything to fix up from what i see

good multis and content how old is this?liked the lines off the get-go.

That whole money and phone shizz

Good shit.. i can see you've elevated a lot since this was originally written

keep dropping.

niceeeeeeee, eminem type ex wife revenge styleshit ... dope light, multies an inners were on point an the way you switched up the rhyme scheme was nice and em like. and the way you ended it was ill.

one slight negative only, the length, its too short for a topical or story but i kinda like it , it ends before it becomes predictable an repetetive, i think it also ends before you took adequate revenge, shit, ya shouldv'e tortured the bitch an bastard an made a few extra bars out of it...

anyway it was a good write man.

Enlightend wrote:Old School.... i found some old topical verses of mine... figured i would drop um here for feed....

drivin ta work i notice i forgot my cell n wallet turn back, pull up my drive, but now im stallin
cause im askin my self who owns a all orange civic with rims and a kit up on it
then enter the door callin "hunny im home cause i forgot my money and phone"
then i here voices and moans as im walkin up the steps and there coming from my room
so i open the door expecting but still miss believing......
but with no surprise i spy demise daym my wife is up in our bed cheatin!!!!!
my heart races im bout ta catch a case an,i aint leavin till these 2 r dead n bleedin
i throw my phone against the wall it smashes, with my mind filled with rage and madness
i start ta stomp his head into tha mattress, im so 'heated' i could bring this 'house ta ashes'
after his face is bashed an bruised an he couldnt speak if he wanted too i ask this dude
was it worth the action cus you know your ass is thru and at this point im laughing too
cus i snapped into....a madman....now see what ur actions do i said as turned around
my wife was shaking and crying out loud "please dont hurt me now"...
i grabbed an yelled "i hope it was worth dis clown" an when her arms an legs were bound
i soaked her down with gasoline till her hair shirt and skirt was drowned
and walked right out of her life.............as i burnt it down!!!!

haha it took me a min to a get the flow but it got into rhythm shortly...
it wasnt poorly written no, it made sense after i few lines..someone knocks on my door, shorrrt intervention as i write these lines...

Lmao amazing! Vengeance pulls at my heartstrings everytime haha. Could it have been longer and more elaborate? Absolutely. But I like it. Can't wait for vol. 2!

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