Hip Hop Forum

aint bossin, but i feel good n im soarin,
frosty like ur windows in the mornin,
hows it this cold in octoba?
feelin like the mascot of coca cola,
of course i have pot, not a soba flowa,
it help me speak fluid like casa nova,
fuck it, im subzero n ur ass is sonya,
comin up fast cuz my path is frozen,
n ill prolly never leave like im snowed in!
ill never be how u ho's been,
got a gift that im not ho-ho-ho'n,
only "sleigh" a beat that ive chosen,
no fakery its all him,
n when i make it american gangsterin im takin in my whole fam,
(ever seen that movie? got his family a mansion)
all sacrifice, no lambs,
wont ask the price if i own lambs!(borghinis)
take em out for the week tell em go ham!
while i settle down n leak in my notepad,
so easy to dominate its no fair!,
ur minds a primates my flow is himaleyan,
ur so square, keep my circle smaller than 4-square(love that game)
fam so dear, not deep..
go there but not with me

_____________________________________


im not high(fuck lol) im not patient,
but it boost my concentration the day after blazin,
but im smooth like after shavin,
a whole soba day? i aint tryna brave it,
end of a different day rollin up the same shit,
i been thinkin, u half brain kids aint sayin shit,
u can keep that game, i aint playin it,
who u playin wit?
dont monkey around wit saiyans bitch,
still underground,
i found where satan lives,
the good die young, u can take my life
but u aint takin this!
sry foo, i been tied up, its a busy business takin shits!
take mass production and flush it, u dead gold fish!
we aint got the same shit, go fish!




http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/new-k ... ml#p184694

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/whats ... ml#p184695

meh, these were rather short and basic rhyme schemes. I was feeling the flow at times but try to incorporate a little more complex content. I know i ain't the best at it myself... but that is actually the direction i feel will makes people better writters.

Props in these pieces tho. Keep it up!!

I feel the same way Quix does about this, really.


I thought you did well with the flow, your syllable count matches up pretty good, so it's easy to follow it... The first one might have had been more complex. While it had more of a poetic feel to me, it didn't really have any direction that I could notice. The beginning of the piece seemed like it was giong to stick with a 'cold' theme, but then that seemed to fall off to me. Don't worry though, bro, we ALL write pieces like this from time to time, just going with it... The best advice I can give you when you are 'just writing to write', is to try to enhance and get better at one or more aspects, or maybe just practice that area of your writing.

As for piece number two... I liked the multi's here. This was more braggado felt, but nothing wrong with that. You had some good metaphors and stuff included. I'm a huge wordplay fan, so maybe that's something you would like to try to incorporate more into a piece like this, since punchlines only fit to an extent.

Keep writing! You are definitely doing your thing.