Hip Hop Forum

**If you'd like me to return feed on one or even two of your pieces, leave the link(s) in your comment.

***Edited to add missing comma.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/fight ... 24592.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/domunism-vt24582.html

im impressed by your lyrics and multi usage, u kept it clean and dirty at the same time big on that acspect of this, but i have read some of your other posts, and i didnt feel like the content was on par with the rest of your writtens

Are you ~ABLE TO TELL~ I'm fallen like an ~ANGEL IN HELL~,
~UNABLE TO SELL~ myself short or spit a ~FABLE OR SPELL~,
~CAGED IN A CELL~, my clipped wings can ~STAIN A LAPEL~,
~FEIGNED TO EXPEL~ from my shell the evil ~SATAN COMPELS~,
^^ solid string real great flow and great opener\

My ~POWER SURGES~ in dirges that lend the ~SOUREST URGES~,
THE ~HOURS EMERGE AS~ seconds as I ~DEVOUR MY SCOURGES~,
~COWARDICE WORSENS~ my chances, now I ~SCOUR THE SURFACE~,
~VERSUS THE FURNACE~ I burn free, I'm ~OUT OF MY DERMIS~,
^ kept the same intensity while not losing message (love the word dirges) great vocab.. its very much like my own style

Left skin ~RIPPED AND FLAYED~, chest thin, ~FIT TO BREAK~,
I ~SIN TO PRAY~, so, yet again, my sword ~TIP WILL SAVE~,
My ~TRIP FOR DAYS~ to Hell's rim, my soul ~SLIPS AWAY~
~ASCENDS IN WAYS~ that portray how I don't ~FIT IN GRAVES~,
^continue with four bar double multis hard thing to accomplish with out diminishing flow but you got it right

I ~SMASH A CRANIUM~ defending the ~PATH I'M TAKING FROM~,
The ~LAST REMAINING ONE~, I ~THRASHED INSANE AND DUMB~,
~TRASHED FOR GAMES AND FUN~, ~COLLAPSED A VEIN AND LUNG~,
~HALF URANIUM~, mostly ash but still ~MAD AND DANGEROUS~,
^^ i was like damn!!! great multis solid flow and still very much apart of the topic

Now the ~LENGTH I LEFT~ I'll reach in ~STRENGTH OR DEATH~,
On the ~BRINK OF THEFT~, stole a soul from ~EVIL DEPTHS~,
~TEETH AND BREATH~ of demons that seek to ~SINK IN NECKS~,
~LINKED TO STRESS~, as the stink comes I ~BLINK AND FLEX~,
^^hes still ripping??? loved the sink in necks line

~BLINDED BY THE LIGHT~, peace I'm ~FINDING IN THE BLIGHT~,
~TIME MY FLYING RIGHT~ in these ~SKIES AND MIGHTY SIGHTS~,
~HEAVEN'S GATES AWAIT~, I can ~SHED THE WEIGHT OF FATE~,
~SEVEN DAYS OF GRACE~, now I can ~REST AND TAKE A BREAK~.
^^ last bar fell off the 4 bar structure but still held the multi content down good shit broseph


all i can say is Monumental Sick em!!! i think you and scott james are the only 2 i see on this site that repusent the multi syllable sickness like i do.. which is my favorite form of rhyme.. just seems like its at a higher level.. enjoyed the read

PEACE

Those multies were too dope, consistent throughout. The best part of this post was its consistency and flow. Each line connected to the next.

Wow. Complex but flowed very smooth. I actually bust out in chuckles at the cleverness of the multies. The story itself (more of a snapshot I guess) was powerful and really enjoyable to read. Again, wow.

Thanks for the feed fellas, uppin, I want more thoughts on the matter.

Dawg, WHAT!?!?!? Your fuckin poetical Juggernaut of an emcee!!! Dope storyline too, your always very deep and descriptive of emotions in your writtens. This is one of my favorite prices by you bro, so many multies, sooooooo much flow..... This price was just dripping with poetical swagger juice... You should put this in the how to rhyme section and school some folks with this.

[ Post made via Android ]

[quote=MonuMental]Are you ~ABLE TO TELL~ I'm fallen like an ~ANGEL IN HELL~,
~UNABLE TO SELL~ myself short or spit a ~FABLE OR SPELL~,
~CAGED IN A CELL~, my clipped wings can ~STAIN A LAPEL~,
~FEIGNED TO EXPEL~ from my shell the evil ~SATAN COMPELS~,
My ~POWER SURGES~ in dirges that lend the ~SOUREST URGES~,
THE ~HOURS EMERGE AS~ seconds as I ~DEVOUR MY SCOURGES~,
~COWARDICE WORSENS~ my chances, now I ~SCOUR THE SURFACE~,
~VERSUS THE FURNACE~ I burn free, I'm ~OUT OF MY DERMIS~,[/quote]

holy fuck man, that shit flowed dope as fuck

word to my mama this needs to be recorded, SPOKEN WORD format, fuck a beat bluud

the whole piece was sick, but that was one hell of a way to open up a written.

the multies were on point, flow was on point, i can see this recorded as spoken word... grab a mic bruv... shit's nice...