Hip Hop Forum

lil poem i made thought i'd drop it 4 yall..


6 o clock struck and my hands began to shiver
a cold sensation ran from head to my liver
eyes blurry and mind outta control
tryna figure out how to get rid
of this gaping hole in my soul
i stare at her picture tears fall free
smearing the words on the letter
'dont hesitate to call me'
franctically dialing hoping to hear the truth from within
but still feeling like she wants to be with him
runinng across her lawn each footstep is weary
crossing the point of no return i hope she hears me
knocking on the door anxious to see her face
she opens the door grabs my arm
and leads me around her place
candles placed so perfect as if cupid was around
im thinking am i stupid.....o wow
i asked 4 her hand and these words
came right off my tongue
can we start over?cuz The Night Is Still Young

leave sum feed plz..-1-

That Shits Dope Man. It Looked like You Even Switched Your Style In Some Places But Then Switched Back. Stayed on Topic. Really No Flaws. Shit Was Fire Man..good Shit Homie, Keep Doin Ya Thing Man.

thanx homie...uppin 4 more feed

it was good man. overall it was a solid piece.

i asked 4 her hand and these words
came right off my tongue
can we start over?cuz The Night Is Still Young

^favorite lines.

Their was good emotion and imagery.I know this isn't rap, but for some reason it seemed to have a nice flow. good job.

stay up and keep dropin.

Lol Agree, After I Posted, I Looked An It Was In Poetry haha. Good Shit Though Man

lol thanx yoooooooo uppin i guess lol

I personally liked the line 8th quoted to. I thought this was pretty solid. Its always good to see an emcee putting more emotion then usual in a piece, if thats through emotion or what not.

Good story 8/10

ty ty