t-minus however minutes

[Tiron7]

only a real man predicts lyrics, gimmicks his critics
punches his cynics and finds an answer to the bullshit
of biophysics, inflicted with whores in red lipsticks
shut up bitch you're wasting my minutes, lyrical rape
sent to the lyrical clinic to mimic to a certain limit
corrupted mind, civics is changing characteristics
worlds ending cause of astrophysics, decoded with hieroglyphics
of the illuminati digits look at the statistics of death
dieing in every district cause of the devils assisstance
promising to leave you sinless, end up running a successful business
took you farther than the imagined distance, hell kept me vicious
but im stuck with a sickness that leaves me skinless, should of been religious living in brilliance with no admittance should i stay or should i just diminish.



gimmie feedback.....im new here so you guys gotta teach me all those criticism words you use haha thanks

[Kuhlerblynd]

I really like how you started this out, but the end of the first line doesnt rhyme with the end of the second line, which can throw your flow off for some people. I would have taken the very beginning of that third line and put it at the end of the second. Just saying... You have some good imagery, and the vocab is good. Obviously you weren't going on one specific topic, this seemed more like a rant to me, but you did well with you multi's and everything. The only thing I could see you might need to tweek on a piece like this is to format and structure your lines a little better so everyone can find your flow a little easier. Keep writing, and welcome to Illest.

[Tiron7]

o buddy i feel ya, thanks for the advice haha! i've been writing a lot, i just wanna get the hang of using more advanced words to help me rhyme better . sometimes i have problem with flow and all that other stuff but yeah i gotta learn how to structure and all that crap im new to all that.

[Enlightend]

not much more to really tell... that KB didn't already except that besides the structure/rhyme scheme u got the basics, a little simple but ok....

[QwarterZ]

This was cool, I don't really like the over usage of multi's though
I mean as long as you got a definite message going across it's cool
but I'm not really feeling the whole vibe that your putting into this
maybe it's just the multi's IDK?
but either way the whole thing was cool to me man
the ending was kinda stretched..idk I'm high bro