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random

Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:18 am
by CBK
nowhere to turn, yet constantly turning in circles
from beginning to end the days are repetetive
mundane existance, lady luck and miss fortune
overplay there hands an laden my already heavily burdened shoulders with more problems than answers.
more pain than pleasure
constant reminders that karma's a bitch
and that paybacks her mistress.

Re: random

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 1:57 pm
by Glamtrash
Short and sweet. I like it. You need to work on your vocabulary and structure though, it reads semi odd. Keep doin you though I look forward to reading more.

[ Post made via Android ] Image

Re: random

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:36 am
by Dream

Well.

I happen to prefer short pieces.
So, this I really liked.

I agree with Glam, structure needs work.
The one long line, could be broken down into two.

That would help!

Otherwise, I liked the piece.

:)