Hip Hop Forum

Forgotten dreams, forgotten schemes foll-ow-ing forgotten things
no more love, no more team I'm lost inside you and it often seems
i've forgotten me, or forgotten you love turned to lust and then to dust
on the cusp, bout to erupt what was once is now a wound with puss
and soon enough, when time adjusts we can readjust and be people
feeling regale, this must be illegal fallin for you was like falling from the steeple
Deceitful and evil, but i love it and hate it with a passionate embrace
staring in your face, scrunched in disgrace with faith in us entirely fake
She's a snake, she's a harlett with hair died scarlet what a bitch what a starlet
she was hard kept, with a hard step she drove my heart like a car theft
she was a smart wreck, we'd start fresh and end up crashing at the end
we'd try to blend, wounds would mend we'd elevate an then descend
our love depends.. was it real, or just a fabrication that we made up
everyday it was the same stuff, fighting battles we forgot the name of
but can you blame us? we started with fire and ended up in flames
tears she drained, with water stains on every one of our window panes
we must be insane, chasing pain like we never were taught the difference
with every instance, we form resistance we assisted it with no assistance
we felt too different.. so sadistic like we like the hurt we gave each other
now i can't re-cover, she smothered me mothered me and breached the cupboard
what i thought, was love was not a forgotten plot now I'm gone an lost
searching for a spot, that my heart has not forgot

This deffo has some quotable bars in it, for me. It was a nice portrayal of a relationship gone sour.

and soon enough, when time adjusts we can readjust and be people
feeling regale, this must be illegal fallin for you was like falling from the steeple
Deceitful and evil, but i love it and hate it with a passionate embrace
staring in your face, scrunched in disgrace with faith in us entirely fake

I can relate to this. That fall is hard.

She's a snake, she's a harlett with hair died scarlet what a bitch what a starlet
she was hard kept, with a hard step she drove my heart like a car theft
she was a smart wreck, we'd start fresh and end up crashing at the end
we'd try to blend, wounds would mend we'd elevate an then descend

This shit had some nice emotional content. I can relate to this, as well.

our love depends.. was it real, or just a fabrication that we made up
everyday it was the same stuff, fighting battles we forgot the name of
but can you blame us? we started with fire and ended up in flames
tears she drained, with water stains on every one of our window panes

I like this, especially the tears line. Good imagery.

Another dope piece from you, Def. Keep em comin.

This was a good piece, not the perfect one .. but overall a good written. In terms of emotions, it had practically everything, you put emotions into rhymes and came up with some good love/heart-breaking rap story, however it wasn't those kind of written rhymes that had a twist, or something that permanently sticks to the readers mind, you are consistent with what you say, I just feel you should try adding some lines that stand out not by rhymes, but by its meaning. In terms of technical stuffs, the multis you used were cool, although I felt that some of them were forced when I read it like the 'thing/seem' and the 'name of/made up' lines, but maybe that's just me. I liked the flow on most of the bars, especially the first bar - the 'forgotten' repetition was annoyingly catchy lol, but in my opinion, the flow in some of the lines were kinda forced. Apart from that, I can't fault you any other way. I wouldn't merge both the aspects into an overall result, cause showing emotions on a topical and showing how good you are requires a different approach, and from looking @ your other drops, you are really good with topical stuffs, but the only thing you're lacking, or what I think you're lacking, is that substance to make you're bars STAND out, so try including it ... All in all a good piece, keep it up
P.S forgive me if it didn't make sense lol