Hip Hop Forum

Some shit bout some shit im writing and working on...
(i left enough feedback)

(.22)verse 1:

i woke up, i swear it was a nightmare/
then i look back and relize you aint right here?/
now its quite clear, we'll never meet again/
but youre telling me, that you still want to be my friend/
like what the fuck happened?/
after 7 years you decide to start packin/
because you couldnt hack it, and i died on the inside/
laugh on the outside cry on the inside/
fact its about time, i let go of this/
cant cope with it cuz im emotionless/
my devotion is missin, emotions are twisted
my focus and vision, now provokin the wicked
left broke with a slit wrist ...
hope you never leave me/
and i believed you the way that you believed me/
no one said that it was supposed to be easy/
but i aint going no where notice im still breathing/
and you dont give a fuck..

1:33(verse)
see im losing my mind im slippin away/
every single night im in bed and i picture ya face/
so im flippin the blade open as i damn my reflection/
cuz i lost your affection from ya manic depression/
i get the message that our future will never be/
im stuck in a burning building ...i got the center seat/
i just wana be left in peace capesh cuz im too stressd to speak/
at least for the next few weeks.../
cuz you increase the stress for me...//

Yo, man, this shit was fire. Some slick ass lines and nice multies in there, and the content was solid. Nice imagery in some parts and good emotional expression. Dope.

Thanks a lot Mental i appreciate you taking the time to peep this

I liked it... it was real smooth... emotion was there throught... it seems as if you kept it real... kept ur heart on ur sleeve for this one

Nice emotional topic with solid lines and multies keep up the good work mate.

ok... IMO



because you couldnt hack it, and i died on the inside/
laugh on the outside cry on the inside/

I'd ditch the useless words, usually helps with flow and again, are useless. BECAUSE, AND. Also, INSIDE and INSIDE... i'd find another word or a different method to to state this so it's not redundant. Or if you cant, make sure it's dilevered differntly, so people that listen to lyrics above the beat, wont notice the repeat as much.



left broke with a slit wrist ...


For some reason, I said BROKEN, instead of Broke and it flowed well and kept the double sound. Maybe? and if you change that, you can also change WITH A SLIT WRIST to WITH SLIT WRISTS. It might help flow? Thats based off how i spit. You and I are not the same lol.


Wheres the beat, hook, and the rest lol??!?!?!?!