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The Pain

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:08 pm
by MonuMental
The pain is an itch, the vein lacks pulse,
Ingrained as a stitch, I feign my results,
Insanity relative to the chains I repulse,
Consult my defense as I lay and convulse,
In the way that I stay, every night, every day,
Just to say I'm o.k. is a line in a play,
Bust away everything that can make this charade,
Iterate how I hate when I gaze in her face,
Such a maze in her ways, she burns to the ground,
No thanks to repay, I spurn her renown,
Twist shanks till they break in my back, way down,
The plank my escape, deep brown, black crown,
Make believe with intent to deceive,
As the sins I receive rip skin from her knees,
Kick shins through greaves as I struggle to breathe,
Stick pins into me just to cushion the stings,
What this means is the haze never saves,
The kiss that I crave is the bliss of a grave,
The sirens that sing as I rave spit blades,
So to slip them the tongue is to hang what I say,
Crumbling, numb as I lie in the depths,
The sun never comes and the cold doesn't rest,
Full void, I enjoy the repressed mind sets,
I employ, just as gone as the best times get.


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Re: The Pain

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:11 am
by Arvincible
wow dude i fell asleep typing this hahaha loser


ok

there are some good quotes here man!!
like it alot like ur last drop..

my favorite parts are

The pain is an itch, the vein lacks pulse,


The kiss that I crave is the bliss of a grave,



Crumbling, numb as I lie in the depths,
The sun never comes and the cold doesn't rest,


i enjoyed the piece overall but these lines stood out to me :)

nice transitions buddy. keep writing, ur bound to write a classic just approach different topics with this style and see what you can come up with!!

Re: The Pain

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:59 am
by 88SkyLink
Another good written man. I like the vocab, multis and the simplicity you apply into your piece. There's not much really to say man..kep it up fam, peace

Re: The Pain

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 6:55 am
by MonuMental
Appreciate that, gents.

Re: The Pain

Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:17 am
by Defiance
my man... always with the fire.. i aint got time to write shit no more..

loved it though... we should do a collab some time

Re: The Pain

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:29 pm
by Arcane
i love the way your peices string together so well man! comes off as SMOOTH poetry haha one of the first peices i have read during my return to the site. keep at it bro!

Re: The Pain

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:18 pm
by For Real
Another dope piece, reflecting why I am a fan. Some good lines, like the sun line, the rhyming was good and the vocab was excellent. I'd like to see you come out of your box a little more. You seem to have mastered the vocab and mysty meaning type of piece, and I'd like to see you challenge yourself a little more. I sent you two collab ideas which would circle storytelling, and from reading your work, you tend to go into an emotional depiction as opposed to an actual event, and it would be good to see how you hold your own. Great work, and agreed that you should get a classic in no time, just how For Real is on the end of the drop.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:27 pm --

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