Hip Hop Forum

Props to Kevin Hart for inspiring the start off to this.

I slay niggas all day I don't play nigga.
Quick to bury a nigga in a shallow grave n walk away nigga.
Don't return to the scene that's how you get clapped.
How you get trapped, spendin 20 years off in the rack.
You'da been better off spendin 5 years off in Iraq.
I'll bury your kiddies in a ball pit.
N choke you're girl on my ball sweat.
You wanna see how raw get.
I'll smash ya teeth in on a faucet don't you faw-get(forget).
You pussy's get shot go to your home vet.
Got doctors on the pay come to my home bet.
While you on the bed got your girl on the bed gettin her pussy all wet.
This is natural thought don't have to force it.
Typical cranial distortion.
Like Earth off axis in orbit everything's normal sort of.
Like a contorted tortoise flying about the forest.
Or unexplained forces protecting the fortress.
And how people blindly follow the gorgeous.

You seemed a little scattered when writting this. At times you let the rhyme scheme get away from you and control the drop. Near the end, I didn't know what you were aiming for being the gorgeous/tortise rhyme really seemed to take the forefront ahead of your content. There a lot of repition which was hard to get through. For example, the use of 'nigga' 3 times in two lines', and later repeating an 'on the bed' kind of phrase, and this really slows down a drop in my opinion. It's alright but just keep improving at it and try to broaden your topics.

umm this really sucked..