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Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:48 pm
by Enlightend
topical tourney no show... reposting for feed... 16 lines on "life in a wheelchair"

OK what Ur about to read is morbid as hell, an even if u never cry surely u will
and would you drop a few tears for me as well... now i have a story to tell...
so lets begin, my name is Greg i was the first of two, a set of twins
my brother James was faced with emptiness below his waist instead of limbs
he grew up envisioning a different life, but felt his chair imprisoned him
i watched his struggles and when he would cry i would try and listen in
but he felt so distant then, mixing Vicodin an Adapin while sipping gin
his disfigurement left him gripped with sin, it had all but diminished Jim
he blamed god, our parents, then me.. he called it envy when he spewed my name
he said "its you i blame.. cause I'm the one who has to go through the pain"
i felt helpless, sick, i could only look and hear... but i couldn't help with this
an as he took his life my pity fades an i became enraged by all his selfishness
he was 53 and i listened to so many of his "pity me"s and "look at my fight"s
i wanted god to justify why my brother lived for hatred as i was denied life
see i was born an empty shell, a helpless form never blessed with real tears
It just doesn't feel fair i would of gave anything to LIVE even life in a wheelchair

feed links
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/88sky ... ml#p177762
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/stay- ... ml#p178481

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:12 am
by Sir Kevin O Shea
The ending to this was amazing. Anybody in the tourney would have had a hard time topping this.

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:17 pm
by Loon E Lou
You my friend.........



Easily my favorite writer here.

Man you walk me through ur piece so nicely. I see bright pictures when i read this. Almost like watching a movie. U always know how to really grasp readers. Hook em in real quick no doubt. My only suggestion, ghost write for me. Haha naaaa. Dope dope man. Great piece

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Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:08 pm
by Xpliss
Well done, very impressive story telling...
I definitely felt it unfold, at first what I may have called fillers turned out to really be an incredible set up...

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:23 pm
by MonuMental
It was dope, man. It was an entrancing story that was sick from beginning to end.

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:46 pm
by Enlightend
Good look on the feed much appreciated... and loon lol thanks mayn that means alot...

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 11:36 am
by Kuhlerblynd
Very well written. Im guessing this was the piece I no showed on.. My apologies, as I really would have liked to get in on this one. You did a great job keeping the story moving, your flow was on point, and your content was grasping of a reader's attention. I am impressed with how you brought everything together. Well done.

Re: Topical "Life In A Wheelchair"

Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:49 pm
by QwarterZ
this was quite an interesting piece the vibe was nice and the story flowed together smoothly..it kept a vibe that would seem reasonable but flips it on u at the end...nice switch up my dude...keeep writing

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