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FEED BACK...I PROMISE ITS THE LAST TIME

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the sentinel
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Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:19 pm
Location: bloemfontein,RSA

FEED BACK...I PROMISE ITS THE LAST TIME

Post by the sentinel »

I posted this battle on fb! nd the guy i was battling was spittin lines like "u so dumb,u sit on the t.v nd watch the couch"

u said u'd hook me up but i fucked ya granny
coz yo pops said she's only 30 and yo mummy's a tranny so i,
leave u suckin yo daddies ass(as)i thnk of what u made me do,
fuckin yo chick all-ways(always ​) she ask,u may hate me too
coz on yo first date u cudnt get her to visit u,well she paid(laid) me two
visits with hair(her) pussy nd it said(sad) its very virgin,
i gave it a joy(boy) ride(pride) nd some candyfloss now its a merry version,
left it happy(flappy),l ​ike your dropped jaw now her hole rarelymerging,
i tell you now and here(hear),u cant touch me coz i float like a butterfly,
sting like the killa(iller) bee(be) nd get u paralysed then watch ustutter-by,
thats one more reason why u cant rap against this,coz im the smarter guy.
Nd what was that u just had,a brain freeze? dnt tht require a brain first?...

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vanity
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Re: FEED BACK...I PROMISE ITS THE LAST TIME

Post by vanity »

good job this was good :)
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MonuMental
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Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: FEED BACK...I PROMISE ITS THE LAST TIME

Post by MonuMental »

Had some things that had me laughing, your rhyme schemes kinda threw me for a loop, and the last line kind fell off, but I know that with time comes improvement. My best advice to you is to stay with it and grow into what you will grow into. Natural is the best way. Your style will evolve, give it time. But overall, not bad. You post, I'll feed. Stay up.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
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Faze
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Re: FEED BACK...I PROMISE ITS THE LAST TIME

Post by Faze »

Its Was On The Funny Subject Seems Like Something To Save For a battle on here'
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