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Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:06 am
by For Real
Pirates Vs Cowboys
Raising Hell

Through the whimsical woods, the wind whistles at first,
But held down by the hooves clicking, and the jingle of spurs,
The sun bakes against cow hide, denim and steel,
Approaching the coast, the smell of salt fresh on their heels,
The horses trot, their trampling feet irons the leaves,
The ocean's myst gives birth, the horizon conceives,
Skull and bones float with a flag, a pirate ships seen,
It steadily creeps, it's nose cuts and syphens the sea,
The nervious natives collective, no one complacent,
Anticipating and anxious, the beckoning boat is adjacent,
The silence is broken, a single seagul shrieks for a moment,
As it passes, a sound dragged from the depths is stealing the focus,
Sharp reds and yellows litter the sky, succeeding explosion,
A comit tears the atmosphere like a demon or omen,
Instantly, Indian arrows become static and dead,
Strong stallions and steeds, now a panicing mess,
The incomming comit, causing a catastrophic collision,
Several cowboys killed, for the rest, the forest they hid in,
The fear wiped, such synergy, a clean state of mentality,
Anger and a lust to avenge, they began creating their strategy,
They plot to flee to farmiliar plains or this,
Meanwhile, they're in the priates palms as they make a fist,
Branches crack, leaves rustle, and drew their glare,
Thr putrid stentch of sweat and rum pollutes the air,
The victims vacate the vicinity and venture to open land,
On the way, gathering supplies from an explosives cache,
Dynamite is laid hidden behind twigs and loose fauna,
The land dwellers duck behind cacti and rocks, ready to do slaughter,
The pirates appear, figuring victory as their faction's bigger,
Unsuspecting, many step into the blast zone and the trap is triggered,
One minute hunting, then suddenly everything around explods,
The fireworks pop, enemies drop, and then a cloud of smoke,
Hand cannons meet pistols, a frightening followed event,
The attackers definitvely defeated, all of them dead,
The smell of gunpowder infests, for the cowboys, few are hurt,
They spout wings and raise up, the pirates return to Lucifer.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:29 pm
by the sentinel
Nice story line bruh, i'd like to work wihya sumtym

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Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:45 am
by For Real
yeah sure no doubt, get at me ina pm and we'll get sumthin goin.

i wrote dis because i asked 3d string to give me a topic, and he said pirates vs cowboys.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 12:28 pm
by Ambiguous Realm
pretty damn nice man, your rhymescheme on this piece was impressive, seems lately better writers have been appearing on illest, must be the age of scriptures this time around,

i look forward to reading more pieces, i'd give this a 8/10, not my favorite topic lol, neither indians nor cowboys, together definitely not, but you made this interesting and having u in the tournament would have been a nice addition, if only u shown up like 2 days sooner, stick around and i'll get u in the next one

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:26 pm
by Enlightend
Very good like evo had said rhyme scheme is good so flow is good it is very well written, but i didnt like the story itself lol... keep posting though

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:09 am
by the sentinel
Yeah,will do

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Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:29 am
by For Real
yeah i dont like the topic either, but I asked 3D String to drop me a random topic, and he gave me Cowboys and Pirates. really appretiate all of the feedback guys and ill try and get back to each of you.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 8:50 am
by ippiki_17
Your awesome, I loved the content. Dope shit!

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:46 am
by MonuMental
Definitely a dope topic. Unique comes to mind just from reading the title. Indeed. You had some dope imagery and story elements which were conducive to the plot and theme as a whole. You delivered well on the topic. Props.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:06 am
by Sir Kevin O Shea
I gave you this topic because strange topics bring out the best in a writer. You handled yourself pretty good. When im done in the tourney we need to have a topical match up.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:41 am
by For Real
no problem man. let me know when your want it. thanks for the feed guys.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:23 am
by Arvincible
wow dope !!

i love your unique style, your rhyme scheme is nice and you really put some styles into perspective, like proving very well that a piece isnt always about having multis.. we will collab soon man, i enjoyed this read!!
i look forward to reading more from you, please stay active buddy

give this an 8.5/10 keep it up

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:57 am
by For Real
thanks man, appretiate it. ill get at you about a collab idea now.

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 1:39 am
by Faze
That Was Surely' Dope
I Mean Even The Topic Is Dope Very Enjoyable Read & Very Good Structure'
Overall I'd Give It A Good 8.7