Hip Hop Forum

Jungle of Pain

It's been two months, and now that feeling is back,
The one that keeps me up at night staring at the ceiling and cracks,
That feeling that keeps leaving me trapped, I scream and I scratch…
...my own eyes out for not seeing the facts, I’m not kneeling or pleading, in fact…
I’m done grieving at last, no more greeting the past, I’m introduced to the times,
Even though before bed I start losing my mind, I get a grip when I wake,
And take a trip to a lake, then figure out which mountain I’ll be choosing to climb,
My whole life I used to confine, boxed me indoors within my own musical lines,
It’s sometimes amusing that I… ever wasted my youth, so many bodies of lies,
And such few faces of truth, everywhere I go I end up in places with you,
"Someone give me a sign" and still I find no traces or clues,
So what do I do when my whole brain is confused,
Part of me is stuck in the moment, the other part is moving ahead,
And the only sane piece that's left fighting is losing instead,
Even now I sense that presence of you viewing my threads,
And it's funny… even when you're gone I still leave room in my bed,
Just in case it’s all a dream and I wake up next to you instead of the you in my head,
I’m so clueless I’m dead, what will I do in the end,
Will I still remember the us, the real us…or was that bullshit pretend,
You know I still question your words, there's a reason I’m 'Mr. Right',
Cause I can't stop analyzing the bigger picture like...when I graph a chart,
People reading this probably think…"oh… I never knew he had a heart",
And I laugh…because the keyword was HAD, you know…before it was dragged apart,
Pain shattered like glass to shards...just a little was big enough to stab and scar,
I don't get this confusing path of ours, it's like a map of stars,
It's as if I were just along for the ride and now I'm crashing hard,
See I’ve been unemotional...for about most my existence,
Or at least that's what I showed cause deep down I was closer than distant,
Then people pushed me aside and my soul broke in an instant,
But oh well… at least I’m not alone even when I know that I’m different...






Edited -removed 2 words and added 3 lines -

you know this piece was excellently written man.. seriously gives me some good ideas and motivation to finish my piece im doing.

And it's funny… even when you're gone I still leave room in my bed<
^^ shit was tight, i literally relate to that

So what do I do when my whole brain is confused,
Part of me is stuck in the moment, the other part is moving ahead
^^ also really feelin these lines too,

dope piece fam

Good drop.. flow was super smooth.. lyrically on point... real deep an emotional I really felt this... keep up..

appreciate it, and yea i imagined you would relate to it, im waiting for your piece to drop as well whether its audio or not

the flow was impeccable, no way to fault it. a few good lines, like the room in my bed one and the 'had' a heart one. id have liked to have seen a bit more imagery. like if you described an actual moment and gave us a bit of sensual connection or somethin. nice drop though man, will lookforward to readin more.

i didn't want to get too specific since its personal, but i plan on doing one less personal so i can get down to the details n such, thx for the feed

Dude.

This was by far my favorite written from you and I see that you definitely kind of played off my heart break rhyme, with the intricate schemes, etc. But you topped mine big time because this was perfect from beginning to end, besides when you mentioned you fart, which really killed the mood, but I should have known it was coming.

"It's been two months, and now that feeling is back,
The one that keeps me up at night staring at the ceiling and cracks,
That feeling that keeps leaving me trapped, I scream and I scratch…
...my own eyes out for not seeing the facts, I’m not kneeling or pleading, in fact…
I’m done grieving at last, no more greeting the past, I’m introduced to the times,
Even though before bed I start losing my mind, I get a grip when I wake,
And take a trip to a lake, then figure out which mountain I’ll be choosing to climb,
My whole life I used to confine, boxed me indoors within my own musical lines,
It’s sometimes amusing that I… ever wasted my youth, so many bodies of lies,"

Lyrically, this was one of your more stellar pieces.

lol that fart line just had to go in to express my carelessness towards the end to fit in with the "oh well"

but yea, i'll be writing a less personal version in the near future without that dumbness,

appreciate the feedback though, now lets drop a collab

very good man

I used to read ur writtens expecting just relevance within multis, but this piece right here has substance, of nearly all elements that make a great drop.

I enjoyed the very beginning the most, it kept me locked in even though it wasnt 5 multis in one line like ur usual.

"People reading this probably think…"oh… I never knew he had a heart",
And I laugh…because the keyword was HAD, you know…before it was dragged apart,"

this line impressed me though. good stuff

lol originally that line had "And I laugh AND FART..."

but i fixed it up just today, appreciate it

Nice written drop man, I swear all you guys inspire me to go harder when I write so thanks for the inspiration.

This is really good man, its really heart warming, not to mention that its really well structured, plus some of the lines you had were touching...one of the best lines,,,
You know I still question your words, there's a reason I’m 'Mr. Right',
Cause I can't stop analyzing the bigger picture like...when I graph a chart,
People reading this probably think…"oh… I never knew he had a heart",
And I laugh…because the keyword was HAD, you know…before it was dragged apart,"
I didn't read much of your written drops but this is an excellent piece, and I'll be surprised if you make more drops like this one...all in all a great written...peace

This was just a dope all around piece. The emotions were deep and heartfelt, and It's something that is easy to relate to, at least I know it is for me. Certain people leave ghosts when they go, and those ghosts may feel just as real as those who left them, right down to the way they suck you dry. This is the feeling I get from this piece. Dope shit, and I should dropped sooner, but I'm constantly stoned, so... Lmao.

felt this man...

multies,vocabulary an rhyme schemes were impeccable
but i felt the flow suffered due to the line length try more inner rhymes to help flow over the longer lines

ILL post tho man respect. 1st script of yours ive seen i think...