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Topic: Driving down the highway to hell

Explain your votes

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OH YEAH, 6 bars
and ill post my vote links with my drop

i have killed so many...

now gladly i offer restitution because so badly im lost an deaths... a solution
not a son of god... so i ask how fuckin odd that i now carry across(a cross) ta execution
at last the day unfolds i wake and walk to the door of my cell it came unclosed
a stranger shows.. he says its "strange i know" then hands me a change of clothes
who are u i ask he says "my name is Angelo" ive come to help u escape this place
i explained he came invain, my life i made mistakes now what i must embrace is fate
he says "why would u just except this plan, wont u ask for help with death at hand"
anger mounts then it seems my vains burst... i mouth "u must think of me a lesser man"
in a flash i wake and from across the room i can see my body thrash and shake
the iv empties, my vitals are at a crashing state, then the floor starts to crack an break
demons are grabin an pryin down, now im crying out, "god let me rise through this"
"in ur final seconds i tried to assist now its to late... an i can only ask why'd u resist?"

-- Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:13 pm --

Links...
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/evil- ... ml#p177773
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/baron ... ml#p177774

-- Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:48 am --

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/post178046.html

-- Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:54 am --

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/post178047.html

These two scenerios are very different...almost different topics. But since we have to compare the two...


Enlightened

Your verse was darker, had confrontations in it with an angel so it proved relevant. The structues wasn't my favorite part, though the rhythm did sound more humpty dumpty than anything else. Multis were so so but substance as far as imagery and diction was good.

my fave bit was

i explained he came invain, my life i made mistakes now what i must embrace is fate
he says "why would u just except this plan, wont u ask for help with death at hand"
anger mounts then it seems my vains burst... i mouth "u must think of me a lesser man"

Baron Enders

You approached the topic with more of an extended metaphor, which was entertaining to read as you attached parts of an automobile with words related to the topic.. its creative and thoughtful. so wordplay was there.
But as far as multis, wow factor, punchlines, it was subpar.

my fave bit was


I tried to correct but my steering wheel was gone, a surreal feel had spawned-
The automobile now a pawn, I turned off the car just to hear the alarm-
It kept gaining speed, I reached to down shift but a puddle of blood greeted me

good job to the both of you, 5 bars is not enough for any topic but u guys did what you could.


my vote goes to enlightened

i think enlight stayed more on topic, both had good detailing, baron's piece seemed to drag on a bit and then the ending just didn't connect well at all, maybe i missed something but it should be a bit more clear for the readers if that's the case, i think enlight did too much dialog and the ending was eh

overall i was more entertained by enlightend's piece and his flow carried it well, baron was a little choppy and focused more on metaphors it seems relative to driving, (which makes sense but i wasn't feelin it)

vote: enlightend

Enlightend wrote:i have killed so many...

now gladly i offer restitution because so badly im lost an deaths... a solution
not a son of god... so i ask how fuckin odd that i now carry across(a cross) ta execution
at last the day unfolds i wake and walk to the door of my cell it came unclosed
a stranger shows.. he says its "strange i know" then hands me a change of clothes
who are u i ask he says "my name is Angelo" ive come to help u escape this place
i explained he came invain, my life i made mistakes now what i must embrace is fate
he says "why would u just except this plan, wont u ask for help with death at hand"
anger mounts then it seems my vains burst... i mouth "u must think of me a lesser man"
in a flash i wake and from across the room i can see my body thrash and shake
the iv empties, my vitals are at a crashing state, then the floor starts to crack an break
demons are grabin an pryin down, now im crying out, "god let me rise through this"
"in ur final seconds i tried to assist now its to late... an i can only ask why'd u resist?"

-- Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:13 pm --

Links...
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/evil- ... ml#p177773
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/baron ... ml#p177774

nah i think this verse was tight...ill break down later when i get time

This is what classics are made of...two talented acts going head to head and bringing it.

Light, I knew you were gonna handle on a topical tip. Baron, for a self proclaimed non-text cat, you came with heat. Different takes on the same topic which is refreshing. Both were enjoyable and painted a vivid story. My hat is tipped to Baron though. Arguments can be made on every cat:

Flows - Baron
Enjoyment - Tie
Imagery - Light
Over-all - real close but MVGT: Baron

I pretty much agree with Jayzon_Black on this one
I mean, it was a really tough one..
Enlightened pretty much narrated in the verse which gave it a nice story-like touch, I like you're addition of an angel in it, so as much as the topic goes I think you edged it over Baron (Enlightened +1)..
Now as far as structure and flow is concerned, I prefered Barons one more, it was easy to read and was more easier to read with the flow, so Baron was the stronger one when it came to structure and flow (Baron +1)
I liked the both of the verse very much...but I thought that Baron's verse stuck out the most in my opinion cause he delivered that imagery of a 'highway to hell', he was very specific with his settings...I didn't see that as much from Enlightened, so imagery-wise Baron got it (Baron +1)
Overall it was a really close call, but mvgt = Baron Enders, not taking anything away from Enlightened, a good battle, peace

ENLIGHTENED:

now gladly i offer restitution because so badly im lost an deaths... a solution
not a son of god... so i ask how fuckin odd that i now carry across(a cross) ta execution THIS WAS SICK
at last the day unfolds i wake and walk to the door of my cell it came unclosed
a stranger shows.. he says its "strange i know" then hands me a change of clothes
who are u i ask he says "my name is Angelo" ive come to help u escape this place
i explained he came invain, my life i made mistakes now what i must embrace is fate <<<GOOD MULTIS/FLOW
he says "why would u just except this plan, wont u ask for help with death at hand"
anger mounts then it seems my vains burst... i mouth "u must think of me a lesser man"
in a flash i wake and from across the room i can see my body thrash and shake
the iv empties, my vitals are at a crashing state, then the floor starts to crack an break
demons are grabin an pryin down, now im crying out, "god let me rise through this"
"in ur final seconds i tried to assist now its to late... an i can only ask why'd u resist?"

OVERALL NOT BAD, A LITTLE TOO BLAN FOR MY TASTE, KINDA FELT DULL







BARE-END:

I slowed the car as rain turned tears, stars now people id know for years-
Tears turned blood nothing was clear, headed for the off ramp as it disappeared- UR MISSING WORDS HERE

I tried to correct but my steering wheel was gone, a surreal feel had spawned-
The automobile now a pawn, I turned off the car just to hear the alarm-

It kept gaining speed, I reached to down shift but a puddle of blood greeted me
a flash of memories struck the cerebral, repeatedly beating causing a nose bleed

the radio kicked on, hopes screamed, I recognized the voices, it's like an illusion
but the steam from my vent screens feel so real, it's not a dream, I'm seriously loosin

I look ahead and I see no road, it just ends, I don’t understand, my car won't slow
The hood points into black, and plummets throwing me back till I'm crushed by blows <DIDNT LIKE THIS BAR


New York Times reporter:
"Local serial killer found dead in apartment, 6 bodies seized & no idea where the hearts went, He passed in his sleep, eyes sunk deep, an early ticket to hell, in flames he dwells, may peace be with the families - this is Susie, be well"




THINK IM GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH ENLIGHTEND ON THIS ONE..
HE HAD A BETTER STORY, I LIKED THE MESSAGE BETTER..
BARE-END - U HAD A SHIT TON OF PUNCUATION ERRORS. U NEEDA PROOF READ THAT SHIT BEFORE U POST IT

VOTE: ENLIGHTEND

i didnt get the chance to break it down. but I think Light still had the better verse. The overall flow and story of it was real smooth. Reminds me of a bit of my own style, maybe thats why i like it. Still good match up.
Vote-Enlight.

yo break down

enjoyment-Enlightened
Flow-Baron
-Storyline-enlightened
-multis-Enlightened
-Grip on topic-Enlightened


my vote -Enlightened

felt that enlightened verse was just better. felt that his topical was more on point.