Hip Hop Forum

i wanna fell something good but i only have one i own
not sad, not depressed but the felling of unknown


tried out love to see if i could fell something
felt a heart break now i'm right back to nothing


i fell empty inside runin and hideng from all these fears
even though .. i lived through them for years


i lay down close my eyes and memories start to overflow
comparing as a small child and now i have no were to go

no were to turn no one to go to when i'm depressed
i keep hoping and hoping for better but still it adds on more stress

i really need my uncle merel but god took him from me
blinded by loss it's like i can't even see

i put a fake smile on my face and pretend to be happy yeah story of my life
felling of not knowing whats guna happen in my life

trying to forget it all and put it all in my past
most of it just comes right back

sometimes i just wish someone would put a gun a gun to my head and pop it
put me out of my misserry, so when you're about to don't stop it

this feeling is haunting but it's like my best friend
it won't leave me till the very end

maybe one day it will go away and things will get better in the long run
but maybe i'm trippen and maybe i'm on one

the feeling of having nothing left and everyones abandond you
i'm trying to keep my head up so i can outstand it threw

but till then all the good fellings are gone and blown
till then i have one felling , felling of unknown .

I like the sad content. Pieces with this kind of content should be simple and to the point. So I like how this was written.

You're felling is failing because I'm pretty sure you meant feeling, not felling...

i think its funny how you set your bars up, usually the first line
is supposed to be shorter than your second line, like...


no were to turn no one to go to when i'm depressed
i keep hoping and hoping for better but still it adds on more stress
^this structure is what you should try to follow more

i really need my uncle merel but god took him from me
blinded by loss it's like i can't even see
where as this one is vice versa from the previous mentioned bar. the first line is longer then the second is shorter. Not saying you CANT do that just saying structure wise, using the first will probably help with flowing to it better

Also you said "fell" as in fell down a flight of stairs, you meant to say "feel" so dont forget to spell check your work b/c itll make it easier for people to understand and follow.

Content was pretty good, it rhymed for most part, rhyme scheme wasnt too complex or anything but kept a good flow and it read pretty decent to me.


holla

very emotional, really felt it, all good! just watch out for spelling errors they can throw the readers off bit

lol at you.......u said i suck? grammatically your retarded
your spelling is atrocoious an you have the vocab of a twelve year old.

She is 12... just saying

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