Hip Hop Forum

CATA' spit dagons / my head transforms into a dragon / ripped gutz taste sweet as butta cupz / watch how cata' rattle thiz so called un-touchable / mind twisted lyrical so un-fuckable / watch my army rise from tha dead / dead men walking carrying tha pledge / fck it i'm losing it / i was born from an egg / half dead on the highiest screaming off tha edge / Cata' was gifted from tha godz with two headz / three eyez / four rotted legz / i spit thiz shit horrifically / moma said she lovez b4 she abandon me / left a note on my embedded chest i was fucking crazy / fck that! looking for tha ass who supposed to be my daddy / stole his brain and left tha rest on an exploding train / no im having migraines cause im off my medicine / hell' cant hold me / god, im infested with deadly attentionz / I’m bottled up wit’ corruptionz /Doomed to tha factz wit 6 sixes on my back / my wordz is so catastrophic / its like 60tonz of nucular bombz exploding in a Iraq / I’m so deadly I’m a threat to myself /

I COME AT'CHA HORRIFICALLY / YA ASS / I'LL SLAUGHTER YA UN-ATENTIONLY / YOU MUST BE CRAZY THINKIN YOU CAN DEFEAT ME / I'M A 20 YEAR VETERAN / NAH' BRAH DONT RUN COWARDLY / STOP ALL THAT STUDDERING / I FIGGA YOU BEEN ON FOR AWHILE BEATIN NGGAZ TO DEATH / BUT WHEN I COME AT'CHA CROOKSTA / I BE LIKE FCK IT / I'LL BOTTLED ALONG WITH 30 OF CREW SET / BEAT YA DOWN THAN STAMP MY NAME BEHIND YA'NECK / SO THA WORLD COULD SEE IT / FCKIN WITH CRUCIAL'FIX / YOU NEVER HAD THA MINDSET / YOU BURNTED OUT RUN AND ALONG AND GO GRAB tha calibur / LETS SEE WHOS REALLY FASTA / nah’ NOW whos FCKING WITH A KILLA GURILLA / SHARP TONGUE SOUTH TEXAS LYRICIST KILLA / I SPIT FIRE AT’CHA WORDZ B4 THEY DROP / THUNDERIZED YA’ LINEZ B4 THEY COULD GO POP / NOW I HAVE YA ATTENTIONZ AND THOUGHTZ IN NONE RAPPERZ DETENTION / BET’CHA NEVER SEEN THIS TRANS’SPONDIN / IM LIKE JESUS ON YA’ BIRTHDAY / FCK IT / BABYLON COMING / Im so unique / even tha nation wanna peek / most of you catz be off beat / got’cha talkin catastrophic / I’ll even have tha fuckin sky fallin / now holla cata’ as I twist tha world equator / bomb rush ya’ wit’ torn testicalz / and still I rise like pac from tha grave
…

Could use work on many levels first... change ur structure unless ur audio this run on sentence style of writing is blahhhh... second ur rhyme scheme is all over the place.... go from there man... keep up...

Oh and stop writing in black I can bearly see that ish... I had to hilight it

Yeah definately fix your Structure. You will never get the Props you want because People wont read it. Structure your Verses this route.

xxxxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxx xxx xxx xxx/
xxxxxxxxx xxx xx xxx xx xxxx xxxxx xxx//

xxxxxx xxxx xxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxxx/
xxx xxx xxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxx xx//

Also your Rhyme scheme is off. Maybe that is Audio but even if it is for Writtens you dont need AdLibs or to add in extra Words. If you want further help let Me know I can definately help you with elevating your skills.

this here is just some bullshit flow i put together...nuthing' im actually working with.

This was a lil better than ur last one. Definately longer and flowed a bit better. Like mentioned above from the
other guys, structure is needed. Keep doing you.
PEACE