Hip Hop Forum

waitin for an opportune moment
while im floatin out in orbit,
eyes peeled like an orange
to the point i sleep wit one eye open,
pray that i stay dope,
call it high hopin'
i spit coke,
radios just diet pepsi,
imma shake up rap till its flat,
perplexing
lyrics make you tap on the mat,
yall fake as a wrestlin act,
my rap break any regular man,
you dont get it
like celebate men,
yall jus too plain,
celery stems,
i go dumb like stimpy n wren,
imma golden goose surrounded by hens,
a pen n a pad can be found in my hands,
realize theres sumthin profound in my hands,
i chop it up like edward scissors hands,
makes me stick out like the scary movie 2 hand



http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/why-w ... ml#p176332
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-p ... ml#p176331

Iuno man this was alright. Its short again like ur other writtens. Gotta make em longer man.

U say u hope to stay dope and then u claim ur ill in this verse..
Seems like ur contradicting yourself there fam.

Plenty of room for improvement tho, this is probly the best way to get better.
Try a topical written, maybe thats your fortay, just giv it a shot.
Lyrical spits are cool but when there all u got it does get a little repetitive. Try new things man open that box in your head.

No hate just givin some pointers from were im sittin.
Stay up lookin forward to more

[ Post made via iPhone ]

this was aight ..i kinda liked the last one a lil better..but keep doin ya thing man...1