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Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:17 am
by MonuMental
Abstractedly distracted passing through an astral keep,
It comes to me by way of sleep and paints me galleries,
Naturally fastening my eyes on a mental masterpiece,
Who's facets speak a language that no human can repeat,
Enthralled, stars sprawled, marching through endless night,
Smoky clouds setting sail on the black and purple heights,
Heaven's might in repose, silent prose, solo flight,
Into places no one knows or even sees until I write,
Galactic plumes shooting blooms of colors never named,
Neither fathomed or proclaimed as a part of the mundane,
Never tainted, never stained, never lost in dark or pain,
So much beauty to explain can't be saved inside a brain,
Too much to contain, even when not too much remains,
I work and strain to make this visual, do I work in vain,
Celestial sublimations configure me to travel spaces,
On elevations of dimensions never graced with other faces,
Explanation and reason left without consideration,
Complete and full amazement causes energy displacement,
I'm still complacent and safe diving into a sun,
Becoming a part of fate without faith, mentally stunned,
Everything is one, I am the center, symmetrical Zen,
No physical pen to hold me trapped in, waiting to live,
The hues of a bruise all around never spoke so true,
Cosmic dust in clouds of crimson ranging to blue,
Nebulas and galaxies too large to shun what they are,
Content at heart, I rest forever under blankets of stars.
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/evolu ... 22884.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/style-vt22901.html

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:39 am
by Defiance
yo spacie man outer spacie... dug it though, good continuance of rhythm i like the rhyme beginning rhyme ending structure one of my favorite types..
stayed on point too, with talent comes great scripts good shit homie

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:03 am
by MonuMental
Appreciate it, bruh!! Felt like I'd go with a diff concept this time round.

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:21 am
by KING RUM12
I dug this...completely consistent throughout the whole thing rhymes were ill concept ill...rhythm ill...I knew where u were taking me in ur scheme before I even read it...stayed on on topic..I hate tht skipping around when ur tlking about something specific ...great drop Mon..looking forward to more...

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Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 6:51 am
by FlipSide
the flow was on a higher level on this piece. everything seemed to fit together nicely. Nice drop and a god topic as well. Nothing wasted there

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:26 am
by MonuMental
Appreciate it, ya'll.

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 10:28 am
by M33Kish
damn dude..... shit was phsycadelic ya know? but this was some depictive shit right here

"Galactic plumes shooting blooms of colors never named,
Neither fathomed or proclaimed as a part of the mundane,
Never tainted, never stained, never lost in dark or pain,
So much beauty to explain can't be saved inside a brain"

^^^This shit i like, i like alot....


THIS IS OFFICIALY D.O.P.E.

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 10:40 am
by MonuMental
Appreciate that, bruh!!

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:29 pm
by Arcane
CONSISTENCY!!! i'm feeling this bro! everything was stringed together nicely. like a knife through butter type of smooth man. Flow was present, imagery here and there was vivid. DEFINETLY feeling this haha keep at it my dude!

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:37 pm
by MonuMental
Appreciate it, Cane!!

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:54 pm
by NeverOddOrEven
Damn, this written is near perfection. The vocab, the multies, and the sense of emotion. You analogize shit in a way that is profound, like "Celestial sublimations configure me to travel spaces,
On elevations of dimensions never graced with other faces" and "Content at heart, I rest forever under blankets of stars"

Dope shit. Really not a lot to work on with this. I'd say if you wanted to make it perfect, divide it into verses, all with impactful endings, then create a relevant hook and record it into a song.

Other than that, for what it was, it's a 10/10.

Re: Astral Keep

Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:46 am
by Kau the Lion
I guess I missed this the first time around. One of my favorite pieces on here. Of course, I have a soft spot for anything space themed: metaphorically or otherwise. Nothing to criticize here at all.
Abstractedly distracted passing through an astral keep,
It comes to me by way of sleep and paints me galleries,
Naturally fastening my eyes on a mental masterpiece,
Who's facets speak a language that no human can repeat,
Nebulas and galaxies too large to shun what they are,
Content at heart, I rest forever under blankets of stars
Those were my favorite lines. Great bookends to a perfect piece.