Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/feedb ... ml#p174970
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/venti ... ml#p174971

We evolve to solve that one point in life we will dissolve,
behold i’m doing this blindfold to reach the common goal,
we change into different species but I stay like a deep breeze,
I please the peace cause i swing like trapeze across the seven seas,
I spread like a disease to tease and make you go achoo-sneeze,
I put you on your knees with these CDs cause I have the expertise,
believe me brother i’m another shuffler juggler but not a Londoner,
I was on Earth to give u what i’m worth like another chance at rebirth,
I’m not like psychology for i am Philosophy and thats the terminology,
nothing but criminology no need for apology as I have done biology,
and thats a guaranty that i’m a G that stings like a killer bee,

I’m increasing as i’m releasing the thoughts about the deceiving,
believing in the peacing, so for this evening i’m going to keep beaming,
i’m not ganna be deceived to the devil cause thats just another level,
i’m going to keep it central cause im careful for what i write with a pencil,
i’m the upturn to burn like a sunburn as i travel down the southern,
my DNA shows i’m hot like N.W.A yet I live in the UK and not the USA, okay?,
get back in line and allow me to re-wine as you don’t make a dime but I shine,
mine functions as i drop dozens to help my cousins pick the right buttons,
I don’t need any instructions to make these productions and disscuss these disscussions,
this is evolution to the execution that help you with your solution, i need contribution,
to kill this devil i need several it would be helpful, fuck settle, kill this devil,
he controls you like hypothesis, idolatrous worship, he controls you like a microchip,

-- Mon Jun 20, 2011 2:31 pm --

bump

I was able to bear the style untill you rhymed this:

achoo-sneeze,

What the ....
Although it rhymes, i have more of a feeling you were rhyming rather than making sense at this point:

I’m not like psychology for i am Philosophy and thats the terminology,
nothing but criminology no need for apology as I have done biology,
and thats a guaranty that i’m a G that stings like a killer bee,

I like that you have crossover rhymes like these:

don’t make a dime but I shine,
mine functions as i drop dozens

To be honest I'm not really feeling the ending, discuss discussions, cool, but at the same time tells me you've never read a thesaurus, and although the verse was filled with rhymes, not a lot of it made sense. Almost as if you were rhyming for the sake of rhyming... I'd like to see you keep the rhyme style you have but focus on more imagery, it might help with direction. Not a bad drop, but it didnt say a whole lot.

Ok

I like how it flows...but seems like ur steching ur lines bro...its still ill..tho..u hv a decent style n I see how u cud perfect it...but I'm not giving u the fish...nice drop keep it up!

[ Post made via Android ]

Give me the fish

Lol, you got the fish in sight, you just needa try some different bait. You don't have a bad style, you just need to refine what you have and broaden the horizon of your subject matter, while at the same time learning to narrow it to focus on a specific thing. Remember also, feedback is to help you elevate, not to hate on you. Everyone's giving you pretty good advice--use it. Keep droppin.

I am, I'm trying to find another way round my lyrics.

tighten up the bars, take away the layer of bullshit.. and flow will come to you,

but hey i like the complex way your writing maybe overdoing it a smidge but yeah man keep elevating

Thanks bro.