Hip Hop Forum

***I edited this twice, as I saw fit, to correct various typos.***

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/somet ... 22772.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/take- ... 22753.html

I put the pen to the paper and mark a marvelous meaning,
About the depth of my anger and how bombarded I'm feeling,
Caught in suspense on a hanger adopting hardened demeanors,
Ready to swim through the danger dodging the horrible creatures,
wow i love this shit...reminds me of some DIABOLIC and Immortal Technique ish...also is just like one of the rhyme schemes i like to use.
Sick multis and great flow. nice vocab too

I wish my heart wasn't evil, I wish I had me a preacher,
To come and barter with demons enough to throttle this fever,
I hope my people ain't feeling the sinking thoughts that I'm thinking,
I hope they pick up their cleavers and all unite as a legion,
not as clean as the opener but still nice flow, more imagery here

Although I'm done with that region I find more meaning in songs,
I write and get to releasing the fights I still carry on,
Some nights my heartlessness freezes between my index and thumb,
The pen that I speak with until my written pieces are done,
My consciousness steadily leaching what to say from my tongue,
To aid my body with reaching in this ascension of rungs,
i was thinking Ascension And Rungs? but this shits still great so far..
same rhyme scheme but different rhyme setup, nice imagery. solid thru an thru

I take it deeper and deeper with every story that's sung,
And still the mountain grows steeper where my all verses are from,
Versatile one, I hope you peeped it cause the flowing is done,
Rivers have run to the beaches where bodies bloat in the sun.
This shits sick, the whole verse was dope, one of the sicker pieces
i have read in a while, seriously. I think you should stick to using
this rhyme scheme cuz its better then the others i seen u do.
This verse to me is impressive for the fact that you kept a steady
rhyme scheme with great structure and content. It really reminds me of
how i write myself, which is pretty cool i think.

Hey bro i like what you got here.
Flow was on point, it sounds like
you thought this one through alot.
I love the concept and the way u
chose to approach it.
The only mistake was when u said "Where my all verses are from" lol
But thats just a typo im guessin

Id give this an 8/10. Throw it on a beat
its got potential for a ten from what i see here

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Lol @ Kause, it is a typo and I'll be correcting that right now, lol. Thanks for pointing that out. @ Anti, thanks for the feed and brreakdown, man, really helps me see just exactly what I've ceated!!

you always surprising me with your scripts, seem to get better with every drop. that whole shit was fire.. and brimstone my dude.. digging the religious intents. with out goin too religious.. nice balance man.. always enjoying reading some real shit

keep dropping man

You already know, bruh. Appreciate the feed!

wow... i was feeling this alot.... it was smooth sickness if there is such a thing... flow was on point... depth and imagery was there... for real kid keep dropps like this coming