Hip Hop Forum

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... ID=9973938

*shazam* and magic has static right back at it, ready to smack these bitch ass faggots
i got a couple of them bad habits, but i'm the bomb like ben affleck
a phantom haunting the attic, taking actions more drastic then having to fuck a fat chick
what i'm on, you wanna have it, we cut from different fabric
we walk the same paths but i am not average,
baked in jacksonville, my homies blasted off the acid
and while i talk in rhythm and then hawk this venom
these frienemies are arguing over who's the victim in the
situation getting more complicated then when bitches getting dominated
more concentrated then when the officer found my stash and tried confiscate it
i'm the better more clever competitor ready to
shred ya with the barretta on a level thats molecular
running next ta ya, spitting daggers out my mouth
hopping in this place with the swagga of south
blowing roofs off the house
yeah, now you know what i'm about

This beat is really kinda slowed down, not something I prefer personally. Lyrically it seems like you're just flowing more than anything, as far as reading this goes. It doesnt seem to have a specific topic about it, more bragging type stuff than anything. You're getting really nice with the multi's though. Now let's see you combine that with a focus on one particular topic.

lyrically i'd work on it, i didn't hear the beat but a lot of your lines seems like you're just trying to force your multis to rhyme with the next rather than have some structure to it, reading it sounded more like a freestyle

yeah its good but flow is off, just purely from the structure of the flow
each of your bars at the beginning are running on, falling off the beat.. id edit this up and add some better imagery and multis and youll have a solid piece..

keep it up man

what i'm on, you wanna have it, we cut from different fabric

my fav line

overall it was kinda all over the place... structure need work

keep writing and eleavate..listen and learn man..alot of cats around here can help...and some are just asses..lol

I say there ARE no rules. when it comes to subject matter.
and the rules that are, are made to be broken

who says there has to be a story line? not me.

If you wanna bust random lines. thats fine.

BUT... flow has to be there. It CAN'T sound rushed or cramped.
and you gotta be air tight with the delivery.

I agree that more multies are not better if it takes away from the delivery.

Definitely a respectable effort. clean it up. tighten it up.