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quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 7:18 am
by Moneymaker
when i forget to take my meds/
you better run cause ill fill fags with lead/
yeah thats right im a psycho/
i aint an app i dont cum lite/
i go hard like when a bitch is on my dick/
she rides me like my cars got a stick/
i dont chill with a lot of guys cause thats the elton john shit/
dont get me wrong i aint against gays/
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-h ... ml#p164815
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/just- ... ml#p164858
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:27 am
by Grim
you are getting better bro for sure...you should still try to step up the complexity of your rhymes and try using multies...other then that this is decent...try to find deeper topics too...you straight though...respect
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:30 am
by Alvin
Moneymaker wrote:
when i forget to take my meds/
you better run cause ill fill fags with lead/
Eh, im sure there is a better way of expressing what happens when your crazy ass doesnt take your meds. Imagery would of captivated me more, made me believe it, but not bad.
yeah thats right im a psycho/
i aint an app i dont cum lite/
Seeing as what your aiming for might be more of a beta app, its still ok for a bar but nothing great, rather simple.
i go hard like when a bitch is on my dick/
she rides me like my cars got a stick/
if in fact a bitch is on your dick, shes coming hard, not so much you. you just lay there lol. The idea is played regarless. Again not bad, but nothing eye opening
i dont chill with a lot of guys cause thats the elton john shit/
dont get me wrong i aint against gays/
didnt realy rhyme to be honest, and the flows rather choppy. All in all an ok piece, but nothing id quote or admire. Try upping your vocab some, and focus on painting better pictures. Keep dropping.
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-h ... ml#p164815
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/just- ... ml#p164858
Thank you for feeding two other pieces before dropping yours man, its noticed.
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:19 pm
by S3V3NTH1RTY
this is definitly better then some of your other drops. you are elevating. put some more practice in all aspects of the rhymes. more complexity multies and imagery will make your drops more entertaining and memorable. plus some of your lines dont rhyme, which in some cases may work but in this one it didnt. keep at it though you got the potential. you just need to work on it. id like to see more shit from you though so keep dropping.
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:43 pm
by Jsteel
some nice stuff,les complex and les multis,bt sum nyc lines bro
[ Post made via Mobile Device ] 
-- Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:43 pm --
some nice stuff,u les complex and les multis,bt sum nyc lines bro
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:38 am
by Glamtrash
They're right. it's too simle. But you can always work on a skill, and that's all writing is. And though i'm glad you're not a homohobe, the last line ruined it for you. Try again.
[ Post made via Mobile Device ]
Re: quick shit ( please comment)
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:47 pm
by MonuMental
Practice, practice, practice and beef up those bars, dude. Some stuff didn't rhyme but if you figure out how to play on the previous bar you can get away with that sometime. Keep droppin, it'll come.