How to rap a story

[Shawnmd]

hook: its time for a story, and it might be kinda gory,
but as soon as i start, you wont be able to ignore me,

Verse:yo, i think its about time that i went to his house,
hes been dodging for a while, but no more cat and mouse,
the thing is, i did him a favor, and he aint paid up,
thats why im going over now, so he can get sprayed up
i didnt move into the driveway, i parked to the side,
had i really been that stupid, i would have got fried,
so i hopped ove he fence, now im in the back,
coming straight outta nowhere, a pitbull on attack,
so as this is happening, i see thats the nights out,
so i proceed to kick him in the head, and knock his lights out,
i look into the side bathroom, and see a man on the toilet,
hes shot in the head, so as for my plan, he cant spoil it,
then i ran around to the front, while everyone was distracted,
then i kicked down the door, and saw how they reacted,
the girl hid behind her dad, the wife passed out,
the old mans dead, and the punk let a blast out,
i knew the shot was coming, so i moved from the door,
i shot through the front window, and he fell on the floor,
i ran to the car, knowing that hes dead and gone,
i sped on off, knowing that i could move on.

hook2: just for your info, that didnt even happen,
i just wanted to show you that i can tell a story while rapping.


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[Glamtrash]

Very simle, but not horrible. I'd like to see you work on your vocabulary and usage of metahors though. Also, I'm really not sure this is a oem, nor a writen. Maybe the way to make this work is to ost it as an audio? Lol I dunno give it a shot if you can.

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[Shawnmd]

it said in the description of the poets section that its a place to post stories.

[Glamtrash]

Yeah but it's not really a story if it had verses and hooks lol. This I suose would be the lace to ost it as is, i'm just thinking you'd get better feedback if you made it an audio.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Shawnmd]

You have a point.