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SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 2:34 pm
by Borat
Links:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/topic-vt20147.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/replaced-vt7184.html
“Every song is a part of me,
It comes from the heart in me.”
I can hear the symphony swell and burst from within her skin.
She keeps me from the music,
Play’s me… Like a deaf instrument.
Look…
I can see the orchestra inside her burning.
It might be easier to kill the flames this time,
Not every fire can burn forever.
Not every song can sing you back to me.
Believe me… I’ve tried.
Sometimes my body play’s songs that are
Better heard with the volume low…
I’m silent most days; it helps me hear things…
Like… your footsteps…
Look…
You’re not the only person that has walked away from me
Our music is lazy and forgotten.
Most days the only thing we make well together is silence.
And I want something between us to be beautiful…
…So I hope you’ll understand… When I cut my tongue out.
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:53 pm
by NoVeL
For someone's who is a lazy ass, this drop was sure dope. Nice poetry and the scheme played itself well. keep em' coming
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:08 am
by thadevious1
your story line was realy good
and it made me wanna keep reading
your word ussage is also nice
I like how you put your thinking words
overall this was a good read for me
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:17 pm
by Borat
Thanks for the feed fella's, uppin for more feed.
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:32 pm
by Immortal Jav
it made perfect sense. im digging the concept. its dope
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:39 pm
by Kuhlerblynd
Wow, this is a dope concept, and your imagery was on point. One of the best pieces Ive seen from you honestly bro... You laid down a nice rhythem to the piece too, and didnt rush anything. Its like I would feel you write it as I read it...
I can hear the symphony swell and burst from within her skin.
She keeps me from the music,
Play’s me… Like a deaf instrument.
Look…
I can see the orchestra inside her burning.
Sometimes my body play’s songs that are
Better heard with the volume low…
I’m silent most days; it helps me hear things…
Like… your footsteps…
Fuckin nice shit right here man. I can dig the whole piece. Well done Ill!
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:14 pm
by Alvin
“Every song is a part of me,
It comes from the heart in me.”
Its a nice taste of what im about to read, short and to the point
I can hear the symphony swell and burst from within her skin.
She keeps me from the music,
Play’s me… Like a deaf instrument.
Look…
I can see the orchestra inside her burning.
holy shit man, the use of objects or orchestras to explain emotions is nice. Dope as discriptions. When i write i strive for that so props.
It might be easier to kill the flames this time,
Not every fire can burn forever.
Not every song can sing you back to me.
Believe me… I’ve tried.
Still fesh with the wording man, fucking dope. This is some Chicago wording type of writtens. That deep kurt cobain meaning that could be flipped and applied to various things
Sometimes my body play’s songs that are
Better heard with the volume low…
I’m silent most days; it helps me hear things…
Like… your footsteps…
The last line can shatter eardrums man if delivered correctly
Look…
You’re not the only person that has walked away from me
Our music is lazy and forgotten.
Most days the only thing we make well together is silence.
And I want something between us to be beautiful…
Here you went a little more basic, which is cool, but i would have liked to see a stronger ending
…So I hope you’ll understand… When I cut my tongue out.
Pretty solid man, must have taken quite a while to write up. NICE NICE NICE. only down fall like i said was the ending kinda sold it short. Keep writing like this man
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 10:44 pm
by Glamtrash
I disagree. The end line is one of my favourites. Wras the whole iece u beautifully. Fuckin' awesome dro dude. Kee em' comin'.
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Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 10:05 am
by Grim
really nice imagery and structure...this definitelt has that jazz type poetry feel for me...the metaphores were great...looking forward to seeing more drops
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:25 pm
by Static
congrats bro, i loved that post dude, keep it up and let me know when you drop other dope shit like this
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 5:06 pm
by 32neilz
Borate this was a beutiful piece, mine will appear nowhere near as good, we can defo collab on a poem. I'm gonna post mine- silent movie bro, check it out
[ Post made via Mobile Device ]
Re: SHE SAID!!
Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 2:18 am
by EcKsTaSy
Most days the only thing we make well together is silence. =ill