Hip Hop Forum

you hiding under your bed.. at camp crystal lake/
ill cause extensive pressure to the ground that makes metamorphic rocks break/
i make tectonic plates, shift shape and move out of place/
you can change color, fake your pigment or Race/
hieroglyphics across the room to a fuller extent/
i commit sorcery ... so watch who you coping with/
i distribute my rhymes across the cradle/
living in a world with instinct, extinct Fables/
i enable & inherent a distinctive behavior/
Poison pen Left In My manger//

darkness-vt20827.html
one-nights-stand-thoughts-vt20856.html

-- Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:19 am --

not my best ,but i felt i had to write this..

Hey man, this was on point, I like your style. Last line wasn't too clear to me with the flow aspect, but that could just be me.
Keep posting bruh.

thanks for replying Monumental// ill try harder next time i fell that wasn't that great in my prospective

The flow was very consistent, metaphors and punchlines were also on point. overall good read, keep @ it.

EZ

Wasn't bad, wasn't good either, try focusing on rhyming more than one syllable.

instead of...

fuller extent
coping with

(which don't really rhyme)

Try rhymes like...

FULLer extent, SKULL will get dent,

Coping with, ocean mist, flowing crisp, throwing chips,

Then get into more rhyming the vowels like...

don't exist, shoulders shift, solar rift.

Quite interesting, the flow is very present
considering you kept it down to one syllable rhyming
which may work if your using a very fast flow
depending on how you spit this though....
otherwise nicely done, your grasp on words at the beginning was nicely portrayed
good job young one...keep writing!

thanks guys ill take the advice... and yes i rap with a very fast flow
maybe thats why it tuned out like that
but thanks

nah, wasnt 2 great in my book. i give it a 3 outta 10