Hip Hop Forum

just trying to get loose with the pen...

I SUMMON IT....with EVERY OUNCE of MY STRENGTH//
So you can FEEL my SPIRIT CHARGE,while I'm SPOUTING A PIECE//
I'm OUT in the STREETS-FATAL X- "ALCHEMY SPEAK'S"-//
ya'll Go ahead TAKE SOME X,Let my PROWLESS be FREE//
the CHALLENGE is ME,yeah,you...CHALLENGED a BEAST//
FUCK AROUND and STEAL your HEART,I'm a TAL-EN-TED THIEF//
see TALENT is KING-when.....your BALANCING DREAMS//
and if I have to BREAK it DOWN,.....then GET OUT of MY REACH//
I GET LOUD when I NEED,thats why I'm COMING AT YOU BOLD//
You PUNK BITCHES READ this TEXT,like I WASN'T ACTUALLY COLD//
I AM ILL-FUCK IT,LEAVE THIS WHOLE VERSE CAPPED//
YOU CAN TAKE THAT HOW YOU WANT-WHATEVER WORKS 4 YOUR ASS//
I'm a LYRICIST that means I DO WHAT I DO//
I WRITE SHIT HOW I WANT not ACCORDING TO YOU//
so FUCK the WORLD and the CRITICS,cause I do this shit with HONOR//
send a VERSE to ya MAILBOX,the UNI-BOMBER//

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/just- ... 20823.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/liddl ... 20822.html

Damn I was really feelin this one. The way that I can just feel the expression expose in your words, line after line. Very talented id say. Keep it up bro can't wait to here more

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

I SUMMON IT....with EVERY OUNCE of MY STRENGTH//
So you can FEEL my SPIRIT CHARGE,while I'm SPOUTING A PIECE//
I'm OUT in the STREETS-FATAL X- "ALCHEMY SPEAK'S"-//

Dope opener!

ya'll Go ahead TAKE SOME X,Let my PROWLESS be FREE//
the CHALLENGE is ME,yeah,you...CHALLENGED a BEAST//
FUCK AROUND and STEAL your HEART,I'm a TAL-EN-TED THIEF//
see TALENT is KING-when.....your BALANCING DREAMS//

Smooth transition in rhyme scheme, but the last quotable fell off..

and if I have to BREAK it DOWN,.....then GET OUT of MY REACH//
I GET LOUD when I NEED,thats why I'm COMING AT YOU BOLD//
You PUNK BITCHES READ this TEXT,like I WASN'T ACTUALLY COLD//
I AM ILL-FUCK IT,LEAVE THIS WHOLE VERSE CAPPED//
YOU CAN TAKE THAT HOW YOU WANT-WHATEVER WORKS 4 YOUR ASS//
I'm a LYRICIST that means I DO WHAT I DO//
I WRITE SHIT HOW I WANT not ACCORDING TO YOU//
so FUCK the WORLD and the CRITICS,cause I do this shit with HONOR//
send a VERSE to ya MAILBOX,the UNI-BOMBER//

Rest is trash, completely irrelevant to what you opened with in the beginning. You started the scheme beeautifully and then crashed it. I mean the last part in your verse had some great quotables but.. I would scrap and re-write the last part of the drop because I think you're capable of a lot better.