Hip Hop Forum

Bodies fallin down, leakin out and shiverin,
Cause the heat left the blood when bullets got to spillin it,
No mercy shot is given, die in pain alone and quiverin,
Cause you've fallen to a man that doesn't view your death as sickening,
Irrelevant, insignificant, guess I'm really just indifferent,
Guess you better say your prayers and hope a higher power's listenin,
Yeah, you get to jokin and I'll be riddlin,
And leave you in convulsions like you overdosed on Ritalin,
One shot ain't flyin if I'm focused on you and tryin,
I'm riddlin you with nine cause I'm tryin to see you dyin,
I'm a rare breed, be mindful when you're approachin me,
Cause side effects include me stompin on those that joke with me,
Makin a little noise with whatever you think I tote with me,
Breakin out a blade and causin your fuckin throat to bleed,
MonuMental, yeah I'm crippled to a capacity,
When it comes to my compassion and controlling my tenacity,
Intensity is present in my passion for veracity,
Cause trained minds can strain when dealin with my mentality,
Indeed, some would say that I need,
A Dr.'s evaluation so he can see what it seems to be,
Within my mind that causes the sudden need,
To feed on the unworthy, and make anotha one bleed,
It's the seed in my brain, a stain of my fuckin greed,
A bitter tender reminder that insanity's servin me,
And if I give it away I'm givin the world what it needs,
A clear path through what I've built to be usin and fuckin me.

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This shit was def one of your better peices...def tell your a writer too...very descriptive...the only thing I can say is all your content is there....it is solid but maybe learn to rework some of the un nessecary words out of it....IE.
I'm a rare breed, be mindful whenyou're approachin me,
to me-you're- was unnessecary,I just thinkhad you not used it the line would have shown a lil more aggression-....that was just an example,but Im sure you get the point....good job as always...keep posting