Hip Hop Forum

This is my first post here.. I starting rapping since a year..but I stopped, although I just started again.. I'm not really good but here to improve..
These are a few bars on a instrumental I got a weak ago..

Hook: (Sampled)

Where is the sea
I don't why I was just looking for the sea
But the only thing I found was a desert
A desert around me

What can I see
You close my eyes when I just need to go and see
If you want me to be blind I will stay here
With this desert around me

Verse 1:

• Sea

See, I was looking for the sea
So I can jump in and drown in it
Cause I'm simply tired of sitting
Around and this frowning shit
I've been pushed down in to
The ground and I'm bound to quit
Just fucking wanna get so lost
That I can never be found and get
Outta depression and this pressure
And never be allowed again
To take this tour of hell, well
Specially cause now I've been
Praying to god openly
Hoping he could pound my sins
Just tell me how or when
Will I'll make it out this wind
Maybe I sound to sick
Maybe I should find a new route to get
Away and start a fresh new life and
Get rid of these black clouds and quick
But how'd I rent a place when I
Check my pocket and counts the cents
The maximum I can get if I round up, now is ten
But, I wish I had a clown or friends
To make me laugh now or then
But I don't, so I roam, all alone, howling and
Yelling fuck my life, I'm fouling em
I'll probably never make it out to win
I couldn't somehow begin
But at least, I've finally found an end
Yea suicide, don't doubt this shit


Appreciate the feedback, thanks

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

It's a tad bit simple, this much is true, but with time you can polish it into something beautiful. I feel you on the depression tip, I write on it frequently myself. I would advise you at this point in your growth to try and put just a little bit more into each bar, so as a collective the entire piece will hold more meaning for the reader of listener. Keep working and posting, bruh. Stay up.

Thanks for the feedback bro. Yep, this is on my depression times..but I'll definitely put more effort next time..

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

It was a little simple and the message was decipherable in seconds, lol. Your depressed. But, then again, if you put time into, some of the best lyrics come out of depressed minds.

Yee I didn't put much time in..I'll put more time next time Thanks though

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]