Hip Hop Forum

no, this is not going in the same direction as dance with the devil by immortal technique. i actually had similar rhymes for this verse but i had to take them out since they had the same ideas as the song. it was pretty frustrating but i think it came out good. i'll hopefully write the 2nd verse later and record. i like it.
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She feeds on crack pipes, bags of cocaine
Hoping that her world would change, but it has all been the same
An only child of an only parent raised in the game
Depressed in this world, being such a fiend she became

Now you could say her mom’s to blame, but she’s raising her right
Talking 'bout to love the life, to stay away from the knives
To stay away from the night, is all the mother could do
The daughter challenged her experience of what she gone through

Her daughter said that she is safer being liked by a crew
But with a hard swallow, her mother knew it was true
Her mother knew that she was out in the streets with drug deals
Stealing from her purse, paying up the thugs to keep it real

Like her father would, so now you know how starts
It’s just retaliation after he was shot in his heart
And that is how she plans of going, just to die with a name
At eighteen with a gang, fucking with her mother’s pain, man...
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i rate this about 7/10 for my standards. i'll definitely post some links later. if u gimme feed i'll try my best to return it.

-- Thu Feb 24, 2011 4:49 am --

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/here- ... ml#p163424
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/those ... ml#p163425

I feel you on the similarity between this and Dance With The Devil. But there are only so many ways to say what you have to and I don't feel like it was an imitation. Just talking about life. Nice piece and I'm diggin the tragic aspect. Stay up, bruh.

I liked this peace.....you do have alot of room before your spittin insane flames but something like this was strong enough to hold my attention all the way through...I would rate it a 6/10....you manuevered your lines well enough that it didnt seem repetitive other then saying mother for almost every line you wrote...this would be something good for a beat with some samples/sfx to help move it along.....I'm looking forward to reading more of your material.....* you should never say this sounds like this or sounds like so and so's track....maybe to you it does and it may as well to your audience but leave it up to them to decide that way you dont back your self against a wall you know....keep posting