Hip Hop Forum

Fuck the street talk aint no need for the slang
I was sent from the heavons I am the beast that was maimed/
....Unleashed from a cage,in which they call the ABYSS//
even ADAM and EVE,took heed to my SIN//
I am HIM Call me the DEATH,the procreation of CHAOS
Its been eons since my rendering,now this is ya seance//
see I prey on mental states,that attemt intellectual thought//
try to process me logically and I will senselesly shock
ever fiber of ya being,every ounce of ya strength//
this is how the darkness chills,every mouth that it feeds//
I am out with a greed I've poseessed the world over
why the the fuck do you think,you still look over ya shoulder//
I inhabit this earth,this is the END of TIME//
thats why modern day prophets stand on corners with SIGNS//
are you sure you define,what it means to be true//
or did you mimic what I created after God created you//

Here goes nothing...
First comp. on site.
^^^^^^^^posted feed on these 2

Fuck the street talk aint no need for the slang
I was sent from the heavons I am the beast that was maimed/
you should have came a little harder in your into to the piece. For example, leaving me with a question or doubt on what you're saying is a no no. A beast from the heavens that was maimed? The devil i assume? assuming is bad for an intro IMO. thats me being a dick though.
....Unleashed from a cage,in which they call the ABYSS//
even ADAM and EVE,took heed to my SIN//
good rhyme scheme, but this prolly could have been delivered better.
I am HIM Call me the DEATH,the procreation of CHAOS
Its been eons since my rendering,now this is ya seance//
Dont hear many people use "eons", so kudos on finding a nice way to explain a length in time. Now i can see your speaking of the devil... Hmm... i personally would never compare myself to the devil but all to their own i guess.
see I prey on mental states,that attemt intellectual
thought//
try to process me logically and I will senselesly shock
haha, i like this bar by far the best so far in this piece.
ever fiber of ya being,every ounce of ya strength//
this is how the darkness chills,every mouth that it feeds//
solid through, but did you mean to start your line with ever"y" instead of "ever fiber"? Misspelling could fuck anything up man.
I am out with a greed I've poseessed the world over
why the the fuck do you think,you still look over ya shoulder//
I inhabit this earth,this is the END of TIME//
thats why modern day prophets stand on corners with SIGNS//
I rather lost the flow in this part right hurr. Mismatch on syllables and crossover rhyme lacks.
are you sure you define,what it means to be true//
or did you mimic what I created after God created you//
Awesome closer. Not much i can critisize about that.

All in all a nice drop man, but i would title it something more intreuging, or exciting, nobody really wants to take time on a piece you rushed. Or atleast say you did. It also helps I, the reader, know what their about to get themselves into. Keep posting. Also, lol, you can copy the url on the feed thread and paste it in your new post, that way its a hyper link.

I thought it was a pretty sick piece, bruh. I enjoyed the read. Stay up.

appreciate the feed could use some more from other people though

Yea i agree wit punch on a few of those points i mean if ur gonna chuck sumthin up on site tske your time and really turn heads. Nice written tho

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wasn't bad. weak in some parts but somewhat strong in others. i picked up on the flow so it's a good sign. other than the weak spots, i feel this wasn't bad at all bro. keep up the work. i'll be looking out for more stuff.