Hip Hop Forum

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gotta lotta thoughts,well most of them visions, seein things at night, its cold sweat dreamin, most would call em nightmares, but this the life Im livin, seein homies fallin, through the cracks in the system, pharmacuetical scripts linin, coffins more than satin,family members numb,cuz they doped out on vicodin, and momma doesnt care, cuz she at the bar sippin, daddy been addicted, sniffin lines at the procession, didnt get his last words, to his son before he left em, so what the fucks a corpse got to tell besides death awaits the next kin....IDK lemme know what you think. Just somethin quick to throw up on the site and get acquainted with the community....

Oh and yeah Im from New Jersey...Word!

I feel your aim with this bruh, I'm kinda new as well and feedback is appreciated from all comers. As I said before, I feel the subject matter, because I've written on it extensively myself. The only thing I would tell you to do is to structure it in actual bars to make it easier to follow for the reader, feel me?
Aslo this line in particular stood out to me.

pharmacuetical scripts linin, coffins more than satin,family members numb,cuz they doped out on vicodin

Stay up, dude.

I think its alright i would like to see you structure your bars different so people know where it begins and ends...but other then that good job keep posting

Thanks for the criticism, it's much needed.