Hip Hop Forum

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T_AF_BXijo[/video]


Lyrics:

I feel like I'm fucked, currently stuck in a casket of muck, rappin' is such, relief for my battle enough

battlin' up hill, strapped with a gut, feelin' practically half of a nut

ready to pull a grenade and blow myself up, maybe I'm up, I can't sleep cuz I'm really in pain

this ain't rap, I'm halfway insane, thinkin' how to explain, to my daughter of why I can't stay

I try to refrain, from most of the bottles, leavin' a stain, on my wooden table while the music is playin'

My mind tells me to swallow a bullet, cock it and pull it, if I died would you follow and do it?

swear your allegiance, give me air to your soul, rearing to go somewhere, no one's daring to go

prepare for the cold, cuz hell is hot, a story barely untold, I swear that I've got

1 shot and 2 clear in the mold, maybe you'll 'pop' advil till tears start to roll

hittin' ya nose, don't fear, I care and you know

life ain't fair, I wasn't prepared for the growth cuz God's vision was weird in my skull

I'm slippin', trippin' over egg nog, beat kickin' my ipod, feelin' like blind Bart

can't even find, my right spot, to spit to like plop! iight fine I don't even mind.. WHAT!

it's been a year, still I rhyme but, I'm mentally mind fucked, seeing something I shouldn't have

no use closing my eyes shut, eventually find some, where to get a peace of mind from

people say I'm behind, I should try run, and go outside with a nice gun

swingin' bullets over sum lines, 'put a hole' in like one

it really sounds like fun, now to find somethin' to get my mind numb, here try this white rum

alright son, grab a hold of yourself, your letting go, grab a hold of your belt

head feelin' so hot, my shoulders should melt, it's possible, this feeling I've felt

inside of my heart, not giving a fuck, I'm tearing shit up, make no mistake, I'm to here erupt

and explode, clearing sum stuff, outta my way since may, I hear it enough

I haven't been made, you're LATE you hair in the butt!!

well on this peice homeboy....I have got to say I can really see where there was struggle between the intuition and the attempt to control the direction of the verse...there where points where what you wrote showed the prominence you hold as a lyricist...I think you know the peices I am talking about...if youd like a more critical eval.(line by line)let me know....then there where points where I can see you just let your words "fill in the cracks"so to speak....I def liked the fact that you held to the original style that was spit to the beat...then again this is only the written aspect of what you wrote...I believe a persons voice and tone can really be used to pick up a verses...and I havent heard ya overall tone so I don't want to critique this too hard cause I really see this as a vocal piece....its kind of like Proof from D12....you know he wasn't the hottest emcee and his lyrics only worked for him because of his voice and his tones so uhm yeah......keep postin I liked this

Thanks fam, I appreciate it and I will do

aye I just reread through what I posted and I noticed I didnt bring you up too much....when I say prominence as a lyricist I mean in up in the ranks dude...you know...like a few more years with a good production crew and you could go main stream....your def strong enough now to leave about half the game in shame its just too damn bad that the average listener is stupid when it comes to hiphop/rap these days