Hip Hop Forum

Twist on the first verse.

Ayo, Bitch ass niggaz rappin about nothin,
sayin they down but they jus frontin,
Runnin round with glockz n akz gettin sprayed ,
While dez niggaz runnin round with crack gettin played
Actin like they a g in tha game,
Talkin that shyt with fear in they voice tryin to get fame,
Itz an intellectual battle of wits,
No nigga startz out in tha ritz
Mentaly tired and lyricaly retired,
hatin on niggaz i once admired,
copy real niggaz jus tryin to be fia
Tryin to clear my head from all these distrations,
caught a nigga wit a copy n paste shoulda seen hiz reaction
Blastin Pussy niggaz all day n night
but im only one nigga n im losin tha fight

or two of us got these dudes nervous
I've always prefered perfect vertics
my verses refered by mcs n herbs
calculated wordsmith whose unnourished
balancing logic like turn tables
whats worst is I'm unstable
work with the same mcs who burn labels
a guns fatal, murders is not a sickness
what you believe in is not your convictions
i spit what the encylopedias missin
so stop n listen, like pediatricians
half these emcees are dropping fiction
like steven king, with no personalities
as if their genre, involves no originality
I can even sing, got a writers mentallity
the reality is, the fake cds are climbing charts
they forgot rhyming arts, when they were tots
now their minds blocked, from real thoughts
ever since my parents bought a rated pg cd
from the shop, they made it easy for my creativity
to take off, it was crazy, I stayed off the block
that these writers chalk, so hate me greatly
I'm a figher locked to write like Jay Z
the "mind frame of the emcee" became me
I was brainy before rap, mainstream like borat (cult class)
and with logic Ill bring peace like a war act
one problem I do have when dropping
a fueled rap for these rappers coffins
is when dudes act like they a part-in
send me cartons of cigs with them lies
cuz your starting a hypocritical enterprise

first dude was wack, his vocab really needs some work cause it looked like he was struggling just to rhyme one syllable

your verse was good, i would've wrote it a lil different though some of the schemes are ill and some are choppy and farther apart so it doesn't really have a consistant rhythm, overall it was a solid verse though

yeah, i agree. the first verse wasn't much. it had one line i like though

Mentaly tired and lyricaly retired,
hatin on niggaz i once admired

complex, u just continue doin u're thang. dope as always homez. i thought it started out pretty sick, then dropped a bit, before u round it off tight, all in all a tight verse!

alright. killah, thanks for the feedback

Yah. Take into consideration we wrote this in about 10 minutes

Thanks bbear for the feedback,

i liked it, the first verse was alright but i liked complexities a lil more when he did this part of the verse

half these emcees are dropping fiction
like steven king, with no personalities
as if their genre, involves no originality
I can even sing, got a writers mentallity
the reality is, the fake cds are climbing charts
they forgot rhyming arts, when they were tots
now their minds blocked, from real thoughts
ever since my parents bought a rated pg cd
from the shop, they made it easy for my creativity
to take off, it was crazy, I stayed off the block
that these writers chalk, so hate me greatly
I'm a figher locked to write like Jay Z
the "mind frame of the emcee" became me

good job man

half these emcees are dropping fiction
like steven king, with no personalities
as if their genre, involves no originality
I can even sing, got a writers mentallity

That part sucked, the flow was lost.

Eh but thanks. Check my other piece please.