Hip Hop Forum

hey pay attenshion/its like i got something to say but icant write it/goin crazy everyday and my mind hides it/writers blocks a bitch its like a motherfuckin ich u cant scrash/lookin back at my past wonderin how long this shit will last/these better days r commin untill then im stumblin/angers rumblen everything around mes crumblen/i keep gettin ejected from this fire blaze nejected everytime my motherfuckin hands raised/all i can do is stan back en watch in pain no reason but all my crys r invain/the seasons change just alittle bit more incane/with no one else to blame but myself hopen to raise high wit welth/sick of wonderin if im safe please somebody/give me the strenth//C//im fallin/im on my knees crawin would u help me back up or would u iqunore my callin/im fallin/itswraped around my throt restrictin this pain seems addictin but in realty im the victom/im fallin/like a ghost imseetho but theres nothing i can do im invisable to u

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Not a very complex peice but it communicated well and definately expressed the feelings alot of us get when we get writers block....its a piece I would like to hear instead of read personally....I liked the line about being angry and evrything crumbling although I would have like to see that idea better expressed....like I said tho this would be a good verse to post on a beat with samples to help further give the audience a graphic mental picture keep dropping...............

this reminds me of something I wrote when I was younger
just tryna rhyme and keep a certain edge on everything
its ok, it's just not really impressive at the same time
you just need a bit more work on how you write
and what your tryna say....nice drop either way

Not feeling it, need to work more on the basics.