Hip Hop Forum

So whats this life about? feel like a fish in barrel I want the fuck out!whats to say? gotta get some pay

before in the ground I lay, for forever and a day!my kids see my name carry on, what name is that?gotta get some

money so they got some where to hang there hat,so that's where its at, not two coins to rub together just about

at the end of my tether.Don't want to go down the wrong road because I know where it end, trying to take the right

that's what I intend.But how to go about it is where the plan goes to shit I just cant see where do I fit,I have

that fog of the mind,there's just some stuff I cant leave behind,try and shake it off!but I must attract

it like a light does a moth,it gets a hold of me! whats it today the wrong words I spoke,that friend I

started to choke or that girl I gave a poke maybe that time I was made the joke,this is something I'm sure

we all go through some more than others!It can seep right too the core,where just waking up becomes a chore

but if you want more its time too become a 9 to 5 whore,deal with it!they say get too work get that pay

getting old and gray until in the dirt you lay ,there's something wrong with this picture,I never had choice

too be at this fixture,it was my mum and dad who concocted the mixture!I have been told pressure creates diamonds

well something went wrong because I'm more like a quartz,common!light as one too I don't where singlets and shorts.

anyway this is some of my thoughts,he is one strange cunt I hear you retort laughing so hard you begin too snort,

but lets be honest you cant do what I do,sit,go to write but there's just nothing coming to you "huh what"

come on you know its true,hold my breathe while you write a line you take too long my face turned blue

I could do this all day long rhyme after rhyme line after line time after time just like the song.

Pretty cool just found it a bit difficult to read bro i think maybe type it out a bit more structured than that.. Anyway wen i got it i like it man, u swing off n on topics which is a bit confusing but i catch the drift. Maybe drop an audio up here i'd like to hear u verbally

Nice one all in all

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

This seemed really scattered. The structure sucks, you should try to post in a format that differentiates the separate bars. The content was nothing ground breaking and the rhyme schemes seemed basic and bland. I see some potential, but you definitely need to up your game if you're trying to be competitive lyrically. A good flow isn't good if you're just rambling nonsensical phrases.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Thanks for the feed back.