Hip Hop Forum

Topical verse dropped in the tournament against Flip. Flip didn't show, but I'm sure it would've been a nice battle.
Topic is about what would happen if I were stranded in open waters with no help...

Voted on:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/milto ... 20256.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/smack ... 20288.html

Check it...

Ever been in a situation that started off as participation
And end up anticipating waiting to see if you gone make it?
Feelin’ naked alone, debatin’ on taken your own Thinkin’
Maybe if you just wake up the path you’ve taken’d be gone?

It began as planned trip with water bottles and sandwiches
And finished with a 20 foot vessel becoming a damaged ship
And me stranded adrift eighty miles from the nearest shore
With an ocean in fearless form, thought the mast was just merely worn
But the structure? Severely torn when Poseidon summoned the rain
Thought it was all one in the same, I’ll run it like run the terrain
Damn, all my stuntin’s in vain. I could’ve been sleepin’ this weekend
Now I’m weakened from feces, urinating and even breathin

Internal bleeding heart beating slower, dry from no water supply
Conditions is wicked out here, bet even Job was warmer inside
Of a whale, it’s a hell of a spot to be in. Aint’a scarier week
Being left behind by my diving party off a Great Barrier Reef
It gets hairier Chief, so far I’ve survived starvation and dehydration
But now somethings frustrated cuz I’m feelin’ a nudging sensation

Whoa… felt the tip of the head Yo… something’s clipping my leg
Should I stay still in these open waters or start kicking instead
Here’s a note to the heathens, never provoke or tease them
Leave them waves to rest or you’ll wake the nest of the ocean demons
In the throes of the deepest you couldn’t picture this bitter agony
What in the hell did I do to make these creatures so freakin mad at me

No matter what, I’m fuked, these sharks a mark for the malcontent
Let the outpouring of vowels commence as my innards & bowels drench
Every inch of my fowl stench for these circling mass savages
Imagine the disadvantage I’m in so I’m steady trying to gather my sense
I can fathom the bastards grin, teeth shining like platinum gems
Guess I’ll be slaughtered in open waters. You fukers have at it then………..

Wow!!!...the rhyming is dope on here. Great topical verse. You stayed on topic and told the story. Wouldn't change a thing. Multies were koo. I gotta say that I like the way you ended it.

I can fathom the bastards grin, teeth shining like platinum gems
Guess I’ll be slaughtered in open waters. You fukers have at it then………..
^^^ That last bar was fucking sick!!!

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Thanks Omni... is it wrong to say that you liked something in your own work? Cause that was my favorite bar too. I just gave up like Cutler!

Ever been in a situation that started off as participation
And end up anticipating waiting to see if you gone make it?
Feelin’ naked alone, debatin’ on taken your own Thinkin’
Maybe if you just wake up the path you’ve taken’d be gone?

Liked the first bar the most.
good start

It began as planned trip with water bottles and sandwiches
And finished with a 20 foot vessel becoming a damaged ship
And me stranded adrift eighty miles from the nearest shore
With an ocean in fearless form, thought the mast was just merely worn
But the structure? Severely torn when Poseidon summoned the rain
Thought it was all one in the same, I’ll run it like run the terrain
Damn, all my stuntin’s in vain. I could’ve been sleepin’ this weekend
Now I’m weakened from feces, urinating and even breathin

Nice.. real solid.



Internal bleeding heart beating slower, dry from no water supply
Conditions is wicked out here, bet even Job was warmer inside
Of a whale, it’s a hell of a spot to be in. Aint’a scarier week
Being left behind by my diving party off a Great Barrier Reef
It gets hairier Chief, so far I’ve survived starvation and dehydration
But now somethings frustrated cuz I’m feelin’ a nudging sensation

Wasn't feeling.



Whoa… felt the tip of the head Yo… something’s clipping my leg
Should I stay still in these open waters or start kicking instead
Here’s a note to the heathens, never provoke or tease them
Leave them waves to rest or you’ll wake the nest of the ocean demons
In the throes of the deepest you couldn’t picture this bitter agony
What in the hell did I do to make these creatures so freakin mad at me

Picked It Back up, liked this.



No matter what, I’m fuked, these sharks a mark for the malcontent
Let the outpouring of vowels commence as my innards & bowels drench
Every inch of my fowl stench for these circling mass savages
Imagine the disadvantage I’m in so I’m steady trying to gather my sense
I can fathom the bastards grin, teeth shining like platinum gems
Guess I’ll be slaughtered in open waters. You fukers have at it then………..


Could of done better IMO.


This was good... 2 parts I didn't feel, but you def stepped it up,
Real cool topic.. this piece reminded me of some of qwarterz work with a mix of rugg a little, Good stuff.. def elevated, keep it up.

Not much complaints. You stayed on point and came really nice wit this piece. Realy liked how the multies pulled this together. Ya story tellin is about as dope as it comes.

I have to agree, this is one of the best topical pieces I have seen from you... Flow was on point, story was told really well, and I liked the imagery especially that you brought to this piece. I enjoyed reading this. My fav bar was the one you liked as well, but I liked how it all came together as a whole. Good drop fam.

Gotta agree with that favorite bar. Whole piece was dope, though. it would've been tough for anyone to have come against this proper even if they did show. Good shit.

You just keep improving man. Nice rhyme schemes, excellent imagery and detail. This was a sick drop son. Definitely got the soul of a writer.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

This was a siiiiiiiick piece man
I thought the ending would've suprised me
but you went with the this is what really is going to happen ending
letting people know stuff don't end how you'd like them too
which is good, you really did your thing my dude
keep it up!

real nice flow, repetition in a lot of the bars worked very well. reminds me of The Harbor is Yours, by Aesop Rock. real good subject matter and imagery. good shit.