Hip Hop Forum

maken shift,hasty as it is,comen out,threw the south,comen threw the mouth,open up girl and shout,bounce my rythms,hitem and kickem with tims,alien squabness....whats your problem.....i'll turn ill and solve them,hit ya hat off ya head,that aint good give me all your bread,you a discrace to the drug region,you a mini opi late,turn your face into hate,leave you wild lookin yea thats whats i said,beleiven in the underground will make you look undercover with no sound,now a days kids dien,for a matter that is prien,think candy gonna help them from lien,whats if i get a gat,a killa gonna splat,i'm a hero like robert denero goin plat,look at these blacks they stuck in traps,slangin wak,for the truth is must i look like i'm about to act an ass,togethor will follow the best...dont tell me what to expect....yall been victims ever since,i'm the illness that makes reps,,i'm worth felony music not gagged up gangsta rap..

You're not terrible and u show potential but if ur gonna write in this particular style there's a few key things u need to work on.

1. How u say things. Be more creative and witty about how u say shit like 'whats if i get a gat,a killa gonna splat'. Think about the funniest/wittiest way to make that line. Put a simile in there or something (think of yo mama jokes etc, people don't say 'yo mama so fat she can't fit into her dress'). Just add more flavour to ur shit.

2. Use punchlines. Drops like this should always have punchlines whether it's a few or a lot.

3. Structure and flow. I didn't catch any flow on this at all, it felt like I was reading a bunch of random sentences that rhymed. Flow is essential. Also, don't write ur shit in paragraphs. Try it like this:

asjkldghkjadhfgksdf rhyme /
jkldhglkjsdhfklgjsdfkl rhyme /

All in all ur not bad u just need to fine tune a lot of things so u can write to the best of ur ability. Keep elevatin man.