Hip Hop Forum

This is a song I just finished writing for my six month old baby boy.

Hook:
Your a pearl from a sea not of this world,
Your a star that'll light the skies once dark...
Your a gem with divine mysteries to unfurl,
Your a fresh plant rooted in the soil of the heart...
Your a fruit from the tree of a love forever fertile,
Your a fire set ablaze from the start by truth's spark...
____
I will always strive- to etch love's glow into ur life-
and will always try- to uplift your soul and ur mind.
Cuz I know that inside you ur holdin' so many gifts from God who will guide you...
So together we can find truth- 'til heaven is the realm where we rise to...
So let ur eyes search to find the vision- that inspires u to rise high within-
then u can learn to stand firm in this wisdom...

Find ur purpose and don't waver from it's rhythm, cuz the tribulations of this earth are waitin'
so assert ur patience in the worst occasions then u'll learn to understand this matrix...
cuz with perseverance u'll unearth what's latent, and the rest is what u make it...
And even if the world tries to keep u down, know ur mom and I still hold u sacred,
our love for u will never be vacant, it'll never die, it forever shines radiant,
so blaze ur path with valiance, appreciate the calluses, and keep ur balance, kid
then even when the malice hits, u can overcome the challenges and handle it
then every step a' life can be of benefit in the final analysis
____
//Hook//
_____
As u grow, and the lessons a' life unfold,
u will know who u are and will flex ur soul.
So with fresh steps- grow, let ur essence flow,
and invest in the message you hold.
And the goals that u set, follow through wit ur best,
and while ur in the nest, I'll try to teach ya how to reach the crest.
Cuz with each breath comes another wonder u can manifest,
so express from the deeps of ur heart that beats in ur chest
to meet every stress with finesse and defeat every test on ur quest...
__________
Bridge:
When u take ur first steps, I will be there
When u speak ur first word, I will be there
When u sing ur first song, I will be there
When u clean ur first dish, I will be there
When u take ur first class, I will be there
When u paint ur first picture, I will be there
When u lace ur first beat wit ur rap, I will be there
__________
//HOOK//
________

Let ur vision bloom in tune wit da dream u loom,
with ambition listen to the rhythm within you,
cuz there's beautiful music imbued.
It's an immutable luminous muse
that fuels the fire of knowledge u can pursue.
But within-all-this let ur spirit renew,
cuz beyond us there's a new view,
and to-be-honest u gotta keep ur mind open to find truth.
I'm hopin' to God u do,
and I'mma walk along the route with you
cuz this life can be like a rubric cube,
but together we can solve the riddles, cuz life leaves clues...

//HOOK//

damn......... I.C, i feel like alot was forced here, but the message outweights it all. i found some multies, you know i like that. i also like your use of vocabulary and grammer but you being an english teacher i wouldnt expect any less. to top it off you have it formated for something (a beat i hope???).... all in all i realy liy this dude. realy deep, emotional, and touching. also bro congrats on the new baby homie. wooo!!! much love dawg.

First and foremost, congratulations!
I agree with Blok about the vocab. It's so refreshing to read emotion and intelligence combined. I even learned a new word from it!

"so blaze ur path with valiance, appreciate the calluses, and keep ur balance, kid
then even when the malice hits, u can overcome the challenges and handle it
then every step a' life can be of benefit in the final analysis"

This damn near got me jumping up and down in my chair, I love how it flows together.

congrats mah nigguh!


I was feeling this piece mah man .. shit was real deep and it read that way too.

wasn't really feeling the hook as much though. Great read!

Congrats man, the Verses were basic but heart felt. Nice floetry style. Hook needs a little touch up, something memorable, maybe even rhyme a few bars with in it for effect.

This should be framed and placed over the crib.
Have fun with the late nights.

P.S.
Talk to me after the 2nd one, they do grow up into little people with thier own mind dude. LOL.

This was very nicely done, IMO, but with emotional, poetic pieces like this, its no surprise to me that very little can be found wrong with this.... How every line in the hook starts the same might or might not be annoying, depending on the beat you have. Otherwise, verses are tight, and the content is really great. It did feel some multi's were slightly forced, but it could just be my perspective of reading this also.

Congrats on the baby boy, and this was a dope piece over-all fam. I would like to hear it sometime, if you're going to record it.