Page 1 of 1

go by there

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:09 pm
by Haz
Lifes a Bitch one we ain't needing a widow
greed for the indo seems to resemble
a breeze in the window, all lies there
ironic how my fears shifting into high gear
clothes aren't a issue for my fly care..
asking my location in the sky's my fly where
Genocide in the world lets go by there
you waving um bye , yes you waving um bye
sleeping on their cases when you've awakened their cries
you sit on them dollars while they sit n they hollar
taking in pride, 4 taking a rise, Like ya power makes
a difference when they're caged Like skipping the collars,
dead society, yall ripping up papers, the petition of scholars
wasn't written for haters, though they grip it with intentions
of Breaking a Tie, Like stop then you go..If the Tux isn't
Tip top with a Bow...Its Like Everybody hates I'm Chris Rock
with a Show..They wanna dance though i'm Hip Hop with the Flow
I don't drop to get shit popping fa hoes, The Mic Dons Looking
for the Right Dawn, fights on..Lifes wrong, Pipes gone
Picked a dark ass beat to spot a topic to shed some Light on
Cheer for my mind i'm Venting with a Toast ..
The battle hasn't ended in a choke, though u say No speaking
Cause you spoke.. its the End of a-float it makes no sense
To be tense in the boat..getting high was the problem,reason
my friendships went in ta smoke....

Re: go by there

Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:38 am
by Phasewon
for the Right Dawn, fights on..Lifes wrong, Pipes gone
Picked a dark ass beat to spot a topic to shed some Light on


good shit, the structure was a lil sloppy with the way it was typed, it makes the rhymes seem out of place in a lot of areas, but I read it in one fluid motion and could tell it would flow over a beat smoothly, overall nice rhymeschemes and flow switch ups, solid shit.

-- Mon Jan 03, 2011 2:40 pm --

Hit me back with some feed when you get a chance, homie, the forum is dead right now- http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/gramm ... 20074.html

Re: go by there

Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 2:53 pm
by IntrinsicCadence
I always enjoy reading ur writtens Haz, though I have to admit there are some parts where the meaning is somewhat confusing in many of them. The flow in this piece is dope, some nice internal rhythm going on. U got a handful of definite quotable lines here and there with some really creative ways of expressing, but also u've got some filler lines that feel like their only purpose is flow but the meaning is kinda cryptic if not empty. But overall, I thought this was a well put together piece, and as I'm getting more used to ur writing style I'm learning to appreciate even the confusing parts somewhat.

Re: go by there

Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 7:32 pm
by blokB
dude even though i felt you forced some rhymes it never stoped flowing in my head. i had to read it back a few times to get it but damn son, i enjoyed reading this. on a critic type note try working on your format with this one. ive read your stuff befor and i know you dont need format wrk but i realy think this could be top notch with proper sylable placement. overall great read Haz. cant wait for the next.

Re: go by there

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:26 am
by Skunkle Sam
Maybe I'm just not used to your style, but I had a hard time getting into this. The flow was good, but it's difficult to see the overall theme. It seems like a good portion of the lines are off topic, just random rhymes.

Re: go by there

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:39 am
by Haz
thanks for the feed guys..

This is written for a beat..
its a instrumental so I didn't stay on one particular topic,

I'll return the feed.

Re: go by there

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 1:47 pm
by JDR
too short but i like it. Flow was nice. Can see this to audio. Nothing hard hitting as far as punches but i don't think it was intended to be. Either way, decent stuff.
1