Hip Hop Forum

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdmuOctUaLU[/video]

im runnin out of time, almost a new year
still trying to figure out what im doing here
im in defrost settin so the visions gettin clear
but i just wonder, is success really near
sippin on a beer, analyze my peers
who will stay who will leave when the storm is near
im like a troubled deer caught up in the lights
and the driver always steers right into my life
but im alright, knowing all my hopes and motives
no longer a sleeping tourist in the city called the concious
forgivin the monsters who haunt us and are upon us
they pawn us but cant keep me sleepin like a koala
keep drivin like impalas my thoughts i jot em
on papers that are sacred like bibles and dollars
i be grindin tomorrow like i be grindin today
and to be honest i find joy being tired for a wage

the sun rises, the sun sets
i, keep grindin til no pie is left
im a proud lion face to face with death
and im still breathin cuz i showed him respect

im just an average joe talkin about some normal shit
writin as i ride the train never did i have a whip
never did i have a girl that i could keep
cuz im in search of a women that i finally could meet
and relate to her like flow relates to a beat
but all i see are these hoes who be bitter not sweet
and all i see are these playa's spittin their game
they trynna get in between but forgetting her name
everybody's led astray into the glamor of riches
its like our egos have been turned to a profitable business
and me, im just being me no acting or gimmicks
pursuing happiness and spreadin words that i have written
trying to find the pieces missin in the puzzle of livin
i never look back in the mirror cuz my sins have been forgiven
this is for me, my future children family and friends
workin hard for digits, i hope y'all understand

"im like a troubled deer caught up in the lights
and the driver always steers right into my life"

^^^ I like those lines right there...pretty dope drop...I like the personal aspect of the verse. Flow was good fell off for me a few times but overall a good piece...life goes by too fast...keep dropping man...

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

i liked it thought the lyrics stayed on beat... the way i spit it... but its hard to judge that cuz the artist always has different views on how it should be presented... but this would sound good in a studio... the hook could be turned into a chorus (iuno if thats what you were goin for) but it would sound good man... good shit

Yooooooooooooo

I was just writing to this
either way this was pretty nice my dude
the way I flowed on it may be different from how you did
but the ambiance of the instrumental is there
it brings out this essence in what your writing
and really makes me vibe with what your saying
I'm really feeling, this instrumental is addicting though
your whole idea came through with this one
I'm feeling the first verse most of all though
keep writing my dude

oh....here's what I wrote

Yo....my soul is overbearing and my thoughts undergo
a sudden change from my significant others soul
I become a load and all I ever wanted was another hope
but everything I utter to you suddenly becomes a joke
traces of your mother show when I come up close...
pushed away, third person is it I who doesn't know
or understand how to break the lover's code......