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....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 6:54 am
by - Mutual -
I've Been, Ceased N Stiffened Released And Stricken For Me No Decent Victims
I Read The Writtens You People Spittin Increased With My Complete Decisions
Of Equal Visions Deceitful But With The Reason Given To Defeat The Systems
With Beats I Rip'em And Leave'em Astonished That M Can Speak With Wisdom
I'll Go With Sorrows To Explode And Corrode Tomorrows With Explosive Motto's
Inside I Hold The Bottle, Cold With Deep Lyrics, So Are His Flows Just Hollow?
Derived From A Creature Suicide Can't Decide Whether To Comply With An Ether
The Cries Cause The Seizures Inside Will Provide Where You Reside As A Feature!
Lemme Ride Underneath Huh?, Flyin With No Fails Sick Of Tryin You Folks Fell
You Dont Possess The Skill Of A Rapper So You Stick To Riding Coat Tails!
Mundane Malignant Malingerers May Manifest Many Mineute Marrauders
So Show Slight Saliant Selectivity Switched Sideways Beside Slaughter!
I Possess The Skill Of A Mind Much Iller Than Mine A Thriller Intwined
Your Filler Combined With Dopest Work Of Inner Rhymes Is Still...Uh Behind!
I Could Never Fight My Equivalence A Champion Got You Stilfed With Diligence
A Rifles Intelligence Poppin Off So You Acknowledge My Ritcheous Omnipotence
The Conception Of A Trinity Conveys Deception With Perplexions Of Infinity
You Aint Got To Beat God, Make Him Bleed, The Rest Will Question His Ability
One Section Of Obsenity Will Send Even The Champions Insane With Rage
But This Complaining Stage Will Never Have Me Run Feigned With Age
Arranged With Pain I'd Handle My Downfalls And Focus On The Triumph At Hand
Defiance Expands Causing A Revolution Of An Alliance To Try And Silence My Plans
Design A Science For Fans To Rhyme In Compliance Thats Got This Tyrants To Stand
Giants In Sand Silent Shiftin Migrants Like A Vibrant Appliance With Clients Demands


All Feed Will Be Returned :)

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:04 am
by Riggz
Whoa Mutual.. who pissed you off man? Nice as written. Nice as multies.. ill visuals.. lot of quotables
"Lemme Ride Underneath Huh?, Flyin With No Fails Sick Of Tryin You Folks Fell
You Dont Possess The Skill Of A Rapper So You Stick To Riding Coat Tails" - that is a sharp ass description of some of what goes on here at ILLEST i must admit.

Diggin the flow in this one.. The pause is a good effect:
" Possess The Skill Of A Mind Much Iller Than Mine A Thriller Intwined
Your Filler Combined With Dopest Work Of Inner Rhymes Is Still...Uh Behind!"

No complaints here. :clap:


Check out...
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/nadda ... 19669.html
Holla back...

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:08 am
by - Mutual -
Can't remember lol wrote a while back but yeah i was just checkin that out now as it happens thanks for the feed Riggz good to have you back

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:35 am
by Alvin
That's an ill read... the calliber of vocab gave me a peace before the explosion feel to it. Imagined u rappin this to a soft key right before the world ends lol. Dope drop man,

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Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:28 pm
by IntrinsicCadence
Nice to see another written from u Mutual, always enjoying reading ur drops. U got shit-loads of writing talent. The vocab in this drop is ill, real elevated but doesn't feel forced. The flow is also on point pretty much throughout, there are a couple lines where I had trouble catching the flow. I wasn't the biggest fan of the lines from "the cries" to "slaughter", seemed worded a little strange, somewhat forced. But in general I thought this was great, real creative ways of expressing urself. Keep droppin', I think u got the potential to be the best writer on this site if u keep buildin ur skills...

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:50 pm
by MesaR
You have elevated a shit load since i last seen a piece by you, first of all good job on that fam..

Second, the verse was pretty dope vocab was pretty nice some multis you were using were abit forced but i can sort of understand why.. using them big ass words..

everything was on par, impressed.

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:56 am
by Dana Riot
This reminded me a lot of Papoose, and it was a really fun read. :) It's the kind of lyrics that I LOVE hearing spit out loud, so I hope an audio comes from this.

The Conception Of A Trinity Conveys Deception With Perplexions Of Infinity
You Aint Got To Beat God, Make Him Bleed, The Rest Will Question His Ability

Really felt the 2nd line here, and I was diggin the way the 1st sounded in my head lol. Good work man keep it up.

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 10:41 am
by Lyrical Gen
I liked this drop. You had some ill lines but you used a lot of words out of context and a lot of your multis were formed from words used out of context:

I've Been, Ceased N Stiffened Released And Stricken For Me No Decent Victims
I Read The Writtens You People Spittin Increased With My Complete Decisions
Of Equal Visions Deceitful But With The Reason Given To Defeat The Systems
^^^Complete decisions of equal visions?, you're multis are nice but the meanings between these bars don't correlate, not even on a deeper level. You could've reworded that much better to correlate to defeating the systems and making people believe you can speak with wisdom.

With Beats I Rip'em And Leave'em Astonished That M Can Speak With Wisdom
^^^That was dope and made sense

I'll Go With Sorrows To Explode And Corrode Tomorrows With Explosive Motto's
Inside I Hold The Bottle, Cold With Deep Lyrics, So Are His Flows Just Hollow?
^^^Those bars were more on point, not just rhyming ill to rhyme ill, your thoughts actually tied into each other more thoroughly

Mundane Malignant Malingerers May Manifest Many Mineute Marrauders
So Show Slight Saliant Selectivity Switched Sideways Beside Slaughter!
^^^You used a lot of words with conflicting meanings!!! So "ordinary aggressive individuals who shrink in the face of duty may give rise to insignificant raiders who plunder"? Doesn't make much sense unless you were somehow explaining the meaning behind that statement in the next line. So then "show slightly prominent selectivity switched??? sideways beside slaughter?"

Here's an example from one of my poems:
Indiscriminately Inscribing Irreplacable Idioms Inside Ill Illustrations of Illustrious Imagery
^^^There aren't any words used out of context or conflicting meaning between any ideas expressed in this line
I liked the alliteration you used in this part but be careful concerning the context of the words you're using, especially if you're trying to convey a deeper message. Also, be wary of double meanings.


I Possess The Skill Of A Mind Much Iller Than Mine A Thriller Intwined
Your Filler Combined With Dopest Work Of Inner Rhymes Is Still...Uh Behind!
The Conception Of A Trinity Conveys Deception With Perplexions Of Infinity
You Aint Got To Beat God, Make Him Bleed, The Rest Will Question His Ability
^^^That was ill...well put together and nice multis

Overall, it was a good verse but be wary of the way you write your multisyllable rhymes. Don't put words together that have conflicting or no meaning just to have 4, 5, 6, and 7 syllable inner and outer multi-syllable rhymeschemes. Keep droppin and I'll peep it.

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:31 pm
by - Mutual -
Thanks for the feed everyone and Lyrical Gen yeah i wrote this about 3 months back and didnt really check the rhyming of everything was flowing well but yeah man you seem like a knowledgeable you maybe wanna collab i think we could get some dope shit goin

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 8:48 am
by Lyrical Gen
Yea def, sounds like a masterpiece in the making. Just give me the word.

Re: ....Venting Steam....

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 7:56 pm
by QwarterZ
this was a cool piece...showcased ur use of multis which is a nice view on ur skills I liked the way u expressed urself on this really allowing ur flow to carry itself...sometimes the wording was eh...other times it was just smooth...very nice work :D...EITHER WAY good job bro...lol...keep writing

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