Hip Hop Forum

i conquered-my-fears and all the pain-i-fought,
but a coward-by-tears and no train-of-thought,
depression twisted my organs so they remain-a-knot,
with nothing left for me to lose, i can gain-alot,
death threw my mind in a sink so it drains-the-spot,
but torment such as this will cause ya brains-to-rot,
--AFTER EFFECT--
complex focus overlooked the weakest-contents,
just a lil bit psychotic...so all i speak-is-nonsense,
even in 'third person' 'HE' gives oblique-responses,
so now these demons spawn to seek-his-conscience....


this was actually kinda text freestyled lol.. n e ways the poem or w/e u wanna call it.. is about a soldier losing the war within his own mind.. and darkness takes over... leave some feedback

ILL. I love reading your poetry/freestyle.
Now how about actually doing.... Say 16 barz.
And calling it thought provoking rap.
As for the poem every line was nice.
The ending could be twisted with my name
being complex.

umm wat.. the ending could be twisted.. with ur name being complex... do u mean like.. i could've been talking about u? becuz i start off with "complex" focus.. and then i say he and ending with his conscience.. if so than yea i suppose it could've been, although i mention myself speaking nonsense due to insanity and i talk about going third person.. that's when i start talking about MYSELF in third person...to follow the psychotic part of the poem.. and yea i can do 16 bars.. but this is more like.. the intro.. and starting middle.. next i'll finish this with the ending middle and outro...

Cool. And yah that's what I meant. Astute observation.

Thank You Kind Sir, I'll Try To Be More Active...

I've made more posts in the last twenty minutes then you have in the last two months. Lol...Good shit though..

Uppin This Poem