Hip Hop Forum

haven't been on in a while cuz of some 'legal issues', this is the first shit i wrote in a while.

the guns drawn with sweaty palms like nam
y'all aint calm, hit the deck when i drop bombs
im on that marijuan burnin trees like napalm
i carved my name on the level you step on
i am armed with a power stronger than wea-pons
my voice and bass disintegrates your best song
to let y'all know, y'all can't fuck with the flow
its a shiver down ur spine like you stuck in the cold
im in combustible mode, every time i explode
i shatter the mold thats been trappin compassion and goals
damage the road and make my own trail no fable
go sail on the waves in audio cables
steady rockin like a cradle i deliver the meals
that ur brain eats and makes you change how you think and feel
im a real emcee no movie reels or scripts
dont praise the seal or be clumsy with the gift
i just party n shit smoke a spliff and rip the mic
cuttin down these wack rappers with a lyrical scythe
drain the spiritual life out of the pitiful dykes
i rebel against the reich like imperial knights
nobody can manage the ways i walk on the granite
like locomotive transit the panoramic view is bland
respect cats who use it as canvas with spraycan's
imagine and create we're the men without a plan

This was ok. Multis were aite. There was a lot of inconsistency and some of the punches were weak:

to let y'all know, y'all can't fuck with the flow
its a shiver down ur spine like you stuck in the cold
^^^That's a good concept, but you can elaborate on that so much more and give your jab more sting

im in combustible mode, every time i explode
i shatter the mold thats been trappin compassion and goals
^^^The first line is a good setup but then the second line seems like you're rhyming well without any substance. Where's the correlation between 'compassion' and 'goals'?

Then you have more developed sections like this:
just party n shit smoke a spliff and rip the mic
cuttin down these wack rappers with a lyrical scythe
drain the spiritual life out of the pitiful dykes
i rebel against the reich like imperial knights
^^^This punchline is more thoroughly put together.....much better than the stuck in the cold line.

Overall, not bad but put some more thought into your drops and keep postin.

Good stuff, could use a little more creativity in the rhyming department, but it had a good flow to it, keep working.