Hip Hop Forum

I reply to lots of posts, and I ask that anyone who takes the time to read this, please leave some feed. Thanks.


I just wallowed in my sorrow, like drunks do when bottles end up hollow
Needing a new road in life to follow, before my very being is swallowed by tomorrow
Or Satan seeks my spirit to borrow, perhaps just rips my soul out instead
For the sins I had committed, spiritually I know now I'm dead
I'll hold out for breaths, fresh, but it would be too much to wait on
The tears and blood complacent, but the above would end in suffocation
Those who once loved replaced it, and left me in the yard to starve and suffer
Like those bars are rubber, I'm supposed to bounce back as some heartless fucker?
What about my mother? Well, what about her? Did I ever doubt her?
Did I think when the clouds burst even a hint of the rain would surround her?
I bet disappointment pounds her, I didn't know it was easy to turn your back
It's something I never learned, in fact, 'cause I'd rather burn to ash
Sense of self turned to black, knowledge of my existence, non-existent
Contact with family was extinct, though I sent more than cards at Christmas
Every note armed with wishes, hopes of safety and messages of love
After many months, I'll quickly confess, the stress tests were enough
I needed blessings from above, strength and passion to progress
Not knowing where it would take me, I couldn't imagine it just yet
Like a Dragon I gotta catch, it's fucking hot where the furnace at
My past, had to murder that, then one day an older cat said he heard my tracks
To Heaven, and "Life's learning curve is black, asphalt on a straight road
See the turns? We make those, as if we found some type of escape hole
But we'd never escape whole, we'd be slow to slice, and I know the knife
It's time for you to explode inside, pick up the pieces, and walk the road of life"


That night, I slept on his words... The next day, I discovered the wisdom they possessed...

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

You very creative Murk. Your ideas flow consistently. Lot of nice imagery on this one.

"Those who once loved replaced it, and left me in the yard to starve and suffer
Like those bars are rubber, I'm supposed to bounce back as some heartless fucker?
What about my mother? Well, what about her? Did I ever doubt her?
Did I think when the clouds burst even a hint of the rain would surround her?
I bet disappointment pounds her, I didn't know it was easy to turn your back
It's something I never learned, in fact, 'cause I'd rather burn to ash"

Only suggestion: you'll move to the next level when you expound your vocab.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/law-o ... 19351.html

"I hold out for breaths, fresh, but it would be to much to wait on"

I liked that line a lot. The whole thing flowed together pretty consistently, and the rhyme scheme was on point. I like the "realness" of it as oppose to merely a lot of punchlines. Overall the whole series is good, but this is probably by favorite installment thus far.

Thanks for the feed guys. Its much appreciated.


Uppin'.

I like the self reflection, seems like a giant brainstorm (yes I know that word is not politically correct fuck off lol). At first I was liking your rhymescheme and just when I thought you were gonna start forcing it you switched. Rhyme wise and flow wise there weren't any ugh moments and it wasn't basic either, even though that isn't essential in these kinda drops.

The last 4 lines and the outro were my favourite parts, I liked the way they were worded and it put the whole drop into perspective. My favourite thing about it altogether was the imagery, like I could see you sitting in a dark room drinking scotch and writing this haha, the ending helped seal that atmosphere. Good shit keep droppin.

i like the idea of this..........flowed consistently and could visualize what you were sayin...........nice job

Overall, I like this chapter quite a lot, the depth of the personal reflection makes it evident this piece was written from someplace true and deep within u.

In general, I think the flow on it was pretty good too, but there are a few places where the rhyme scheme felt a bit too forced, like where the grammar feels strange like words were too significantly rearranged for the flow's sake alone-- i.e. "my spirit to borrow","breaths, fresh","learned, in fact". I do that kinda thing quite often myself, so I understand why u'd wanna rearrange some words to make it flow better, but at times it makes the flow feel too forced.

My favorite lines where definitely those last four lines, killer metaphors and a real smooth flow in em. And they're a nice way to close up the verse since they leave the reader interested in what's gonna be goin on in your next chapter.

Overall fam, this was a real nice drop, possibly my favorite of your chapters so far (although your first chapter is definitely still up in the running for possibly my favorite verse).

Word thanks much for the feed.


Uppin'.

Good stuff, if in doubt, have a Dos Equis, it's in my contract to ask you. The rhymes were good, the subject makes me want to turn the lights off and burn holes through pictures while covered in brown lipstick and cooking flour. Matter of fact, the oven is on.

bump...for proper feed later...from me....yea

-- Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:25 am --

After re-reading this I was really into the whole idea of things...it kept a constant flow of reflection it didnt stay on one focal point it opened itself to more variety and allowed itself time to breathe which I liked... really motivated the piece to be more coherent..and more relatable to the reader a few parts I could say damn thats like me..but then u bring it back to urself..some nice work Murk...keep writing brahhh